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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660530">Saving Faith</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/neondream/pseuds/neondream'>neondream</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love Triangles, Physical Abuse, apocalypse drama, relationship drama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:21:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,438</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/neondream/pseuds/neondream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tara is sent back to Earth with a singular mission that will stop the apocalypse, save Faith Lehane at all costs.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Faith Lehane/Tara Maclay, Kennedy/Willow Rosenberg, Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Homecoming</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Takes place during season 7 of the show, but doesn't exactly stick to canon. </p><p>Parts of this story are inspired by Umbrella Academy, but this is by no means an Umbrella Academy crossover.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The world was dark. Endlessly dark. And quiet. And empty. It had been hopelessly empty for years. Hundred upon hundred. Or maybe only seconds. Seconds blinking in and out of existence. Merely passing through. Had it always been so dark?</p><p>No.</p><p>Tara remembers light. Sunshine and joy and laughter and singing and hurt and pain and sadness and anger. She’d had eternity to think about it. All she had. Endless time and her own thoughts to drive her mad as everything and nothing unfurled inside that small eternity.</p><p>“Miss Maclay,” A voice called. Young. A boy. A young boy. His voice gentle and unfamiliar. “Miss Maclay? It’s time to wake up. You have work to do.”</p><p>And then light.</p><p>Blinding light. And eyes. Eyes that were slowly fluttering open as if it were the first time. The sweet sensation of breathing filled her nostrils, her throat, her lungs, like every blessing she’d ever been granted all at once.</p><p>Her eyes were hazy at first, the world simply an out of focus smudge, like the watercolors her mother had shown her on the afternoons they’d sneak to some art gallery or museum towns away when her father was too preoccupied in his own world to notice. Slowly her vision returned. She still couldn’t process what she was seeing for several long eternal moments. She was too excited about the whole breathing thing.</p><p>Wherever she was it smelt like lemon and ocean water and summertime. When the world slowly crept back to sense she saw a boy, 10 maybe 11, sitting behind a desk, dressed in a crisp business suit scribbling away and diligently flipping through file folders on a large oak desk. The expensive leather chair he sat in made him even smaller.</p><p>“Good, you’re awake, Miss,” he said still scribbling away. He looked up catching Tara’s gaze with deep green eyes, his shaggy black hair falling into his face. “We have important matters to discuss.”</p><p>Tara wanted to speak. Wanted so badly to give voice to the millions of panicked, racing questions flooding her mind but somehow she couldn’t recall how her voice worked. She struggled against all the rushing sensations trying to formulate something against all the confusion. The boy didn’t seem to mind. He stood, taking a pitcher of water from the edge of his desk and poured a glass before carrying it over and extending it to Tara. When she didn’t move he gently grasped her hand and lifted it, pressing the cold glass into her palm, guiding her fingers around it.</p><p>“It’s been quite some time. You must be glad to be awake.” He gestured for Tara to drink, “Please, it’ll help clear your head.”</p><p>Uncertainly she brought her shaky hand, still clutching the glass, to her lips and took a long pull, feeling the liquid wash over her tongue, cooling her from the inside out. She closed her eyes against the sharp light, focusing on the cold sensation washing over her, soothing in its sting.</p><p>“Better?” The boy asked, his kind eyes watching her closely.</p><p>“Y-yes,” Tara mumbled, the sound of her own voice oddly foreign to her, like she hadn’t heard it in hundreds of years. “W-where am I?”</p><p>“Well, that’s complicated Miss Maclay. Technically you’re nowhere.”</p><p>“This is somewhere,” Tara said, holding his gaze, “Where I was is nowhere.”</p><p>“Where you were was dead,” the boy said, as casual as if he were telling the weather.</p><p>“I know,” Tara answered, “I remember. The dying part anyway.”</p><p>“I know. That was a mistake,” He said taking the empty glass from her and resting it on the desk.</p><p>“Remembering?” Tara asked, the painful twisted memories of her death lancing through her as if it were still happening, presently and infinitely.</p><p>“Dying,” he answered kneeling before her. “You shouldn’t have died Miss Maclay. And we’re going to fix that. We just need something from you in return.”</p><p>“We?” Tara searched this strange child intensely.</p><p>“The Bureau,” he said, his gaze never faltering, “We manage the timeline. Make sure that everything that’s supposed to happen does. However,” he looked embarrassed, “sometimes...aberrations happen.” he smiled shyly, suddenly looking every bit the child he was. “But that’s okay. We can fix it.”</p><p>“W-what do you want me to do?”</p><p>“That’s my girl.” He smiled, the child neatly tucked away again, “Eyes always on the mission.” He stood, plucking a piece of paper from a stack of parchment on his desk. He handed it to her, a small square, yellowed and stiff. Typed neatly across it was a series of numbers across the top, her name underneath and impressed upon the center the words, ‘Save Faith Lehane at all costs.’ She only felt more confused. “We’re going to send you back to Earth. We were unable to correct the aberration in the timeline. So we’re skipping you forward. To help your friends stop the apocalypse. But you, you have a specific job to ensure the survival of the world.” he touched Tara’s hand, still clutching onto the paper, her sweaty grasp starting to crumple it.</p><p>“H-how will I k-know what to d-do?”</p><p>“I’ll avoid the pun and say trust yourself. You were chosen for a reason. Because you’re the only one that can do this. Whatever you do will be the right thing.” There was a sharp knock at the door and through the glass, Tara caught familiar blue eyes, sharp and playful, ocean blue just like her mothers. Her stomach dropped.</p><p>“But-” Before Tara could finish her thought the world was turning back into that fuzzy watercolor and then, once more, fading to black. That eerie, silent nothingness.</p><p>“Tara” A voice. A new voice. A woman. Young but not as young as that strange boy and his haunting green eyes. Tara couldn’t see. The world was an ocean of endless black. That voice though, it was close, right in her ear and hurriedly whispering. “It’s Deb. I need you to pass a message. To Faith. Tell her I know how hard it’s been, but she’s doing the right thing. Tell her I’m-I’m proud of her. That I love her so much.” Then the silence again. Jarring and sudden and everything.</p><p><br/>When she came to again she was in a desolate room, white and sterile with a pulsing blue orb growing and growing before her. The boy was beside her watching that glowing orb as its light crackled with energy, blinding Tara. She raised an arm, shielding her eyes from the painful sight. When her eyes adjusted she lowered her arm and saw a hole, steadily expanding at its center. Through the crackling energy and hazy eyes she could make out grass, and night sky, headstones and moonlight.</p><p>“Jump through the portal, Miss Maclay,” The boy said nudging her along. Tara froze, confused, and feeling a wave of nausea creep up on her. The boy rolled his eyes, annoyed at the delay. “Miss Maclay, please. Get in the portal. Now.” Then he grasped her hand, leading her forward. Waves of heat prickled her skin the closer they got to the portal and though she was frightened there was nothing she could do as she tumbled through sucked in by the blue crackling tendrils of energy. It burned through her skin, felt like it was tearing her apart atom by atom and reinventing her on the other side, and then she was crashing to the hard ground, crumpling in pain as she collided with the damp, wet Earth.</p><p>“Oh my God!” Someone said from above her. She knew that voice. If only she could break through the fog of her pain. “Tara! No. The First.” Then she felt warm hands touching her face. “Not the First?”</p><p>“B-Buffy,” Tara mumbled. The nausea from before had only grown and suddenly she was retching, vomiting who knows what onto the grass. The world began to spin and soon everything blinked back out of existence. The last thought running through Tara’s head was how she hoped she hadn’t died again. She’d only just returned.</p><p>When Faith arrived back in Sunnydale it was nothing like what she had expected. The long car ride from LA she had half-listened to Willow go on about everything she’d missed these last years and the latest big bad. She wanted so badly to focus on what she was being told but all she could think about was the dirty looks she’d soon be receiving. She had expected hate and disgust, maybe some fear, lots of anger for sure. But none of that happened. Instead when they arrived everyone looked haunted, worried with this peculiar and confusing vein of excitement underneath. <em>Shit. The apocalypse must be for real this time.</em> Before anyone even really acknowledged Faith’s presence Buffy and Xander were pulling Willow aside, all in a rush to explain something or other to her, abandoning Faith by the front door. Then she felt eyes on her, burning into her, making all her senses come to life. She looked up, meeting big blue eyes. The faint hint of memory tugged at her edges then she smiled.</p><p>“I thought you was dead.”</p><p>“That happens a lot around here,” Tara answered, tired eyes still curiously searching Faith. And then Dawn was there giving Faith the evil eye and protectively herding Tara back upstairs to rest. That was more like the greeting she expected.</p><p>The next day everyone was huddled around Tara in the living room, excitedly talking around her about what could have happened, no one bothering to talk to her just yet. Maybe it didn’t matter. From where Faith stood at the edge of the room, casually leaning against the wall and staring, half transfixed on this miracle from the dead, she noticed how tired and hazy Tara looked. She looked so heavy with it that Faith just wanted to scoop her up into her arms and keep her safe. Maybe the helpless kitten thing is what made all the Scoobies love her in the first place. Faith shook her head and looked over to the group still arguing among themselves. She looked back at Tara who was suddenly staring at her, into her, with those calm blue eyes. Faith felt her stomach lurch and she looked away.</p><p>“Tara,” Giles began finally speaking directly to her, “Please, could you tell us what you recall from... from before you returned?”</p><p>Tara turned her gaze to Giles, still tired and hazy. She nodded, long strands of ash blonde hair falling into her face, “I-I don’t know. I-”</p><p>“Were you...were you in heaven?” Willow asked, stepping closer to Tara, still staring at her as if she’d fade away into nothingness any second.</p><p>“No,” Tara answered simply, “I wasn’t anywhere. Not really. It was quiet. And dark. And I was alone. I don’t-” Tara stopped herself, a look of panic crossing her face before being tucked away again, lost behind the exhaustion. “It felt like-like eternity. Alone and in the dark.” A lost, distant look settled on Tara as the room fell silent, everyone keenly watching Tara. “I remember dying. Then nothing. Then I woke and someone told me they were sending me back. To help stop the apocalypse. That I wasn’t supposed to die. He said it was a...an aberration in the timeline. That they were going to fix it.”</p><p>“What did he look like?” Giles asked, kneeling before Tara, resting a hand gently on her own. “Perhaps we can identify this mysterious benefactor.”</p><p>“I-” Tara started, meeting Giles gaze, “he looked” she tried again. The exact memory of the boy swirled in her mind, she could see him precisely but forcing the words from her mouth sent her spiraling, unable to speak and sputtering, “He-he-he” then a sharp pain pierced through her head and she was seizing, overcome with dizzying pain and collapsing into the sofa. The world faded out and the last thing she could recall were Faith’s worried brown eyes peering down at her.</p><p>Tara woke again, this time in a bedroom, a blanket wrapped around her as she lay sprawled out on the bed. The darkened room was soothing considering her pounding head. The bedroom door was left cracked open, light from the hallway spilled inside in a long shaft, glowing and stinging Tara’s eyes. On the other side she heard hushed voices. Willow and a woman she didn’t know. The strange woman seemed upset while Willow explained to her, voice hushed and oh so apologetic in a way Tara was intimately familiar with. Willow explained to her how confusing it was to have Tara back, how she needed time, and space, to sort her head out. The woman asked if she still loved Tara. Willow hesitated, then answered with a soft ‘yes’, so soft Tara thought she imagined it, but judging by the stranger’s reaction she hadn’t.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The chapter title is in reference to the song "Silence" by Boston the Girl.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tara had spent days holed up in the room they’d given her, to have to herself despite the overcrowding as a progressive stream of Potentials arrived at Buffy’s doorstep, the current base camp in the fight against evil. Each new addition meant more noise, more clattering, and shuffling and voices too loud as they echoed through the floorboards and Tara just had to laugh. After an eternity of maddening quiet, all she wanted was the silence. Craved it even. The late-night hours yielded the only quiet in the house. It was when Tara felt the most peaceful. It was the easiest time to be awake, when the world was quiet enough to think. Not like she hadn’t spent forever thinking in the darkness, going in endless circles till she was half-crazed and hallucinating just to grasp onto any modicum of relief.</p><p>Time ticked by unnoticed. Tara had long ago lost the meaning of time. She tried so desperately to grasp back onto the meaning. There were pressing matters. Like an apocalypse and a mission, though the strange little boy had never spoke to the consequences of failure. It couldn’t be much worse than the void she had called home in her death. But whenever she thought that she would be flooded with the haunting image of Faith’s face looking down on her, beautiful and pained and sad. It made her want to brave the noise and the trauma, face the stark reality just to protect Faith from whatever scared her. Another thought that made her laugh. Her protecting the slayer. But here she was, feeling so...called to do so.</p><p>As the hours and days melted together, she endured daytime visits from her friends, all worried and scared for her. Willow, then Dawn, then Buffy, followed by Anya then Xander, Giles too. And once Faith visited. She didn’t speak when she visited except to say hello. They sat quietly and for the first time since she’d returned she didn’t feel that pained awkwardness. She’d always assumed Faith was too wild for the silence, but here she was, comfortable in the emptiness of it. She hadn’t stayed for long, much to Tara’s regret, suddenly realizing how soothing her steady strength was. She didn’t have to boast or show off, it was just there, innate and natural. When she left she offered a hushed apology.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she started, “for being shitty to you the one time we met.” Then she was gone before Tara could respond.</p><p>Dawn had been the most frequent visitor. A small relief. In all her thinking she had envisioned Willow being a constant presence, pressing on her to return to the world, return to her. Even when Tara was quiet Dawn would speak to her in soothing tones or read to her from her favorite books. The gentle moments somehow made her feel more alive, made the world more bearable. If only a little.</p><p>Eventually, Dawn had coaxed her from the lonely bedroom and into the basement where all her earthly possessions resided, tucked away into neat cardboard boxes, undisturbed since she died more than a year ago. When they came down the stairs Faith was there, relaxed in her cot and unbothered by their arrival, though Tara could sense the stiff, taut energy emanating from Faith in waves. It wasn’t unwelcome. Underneath that tension, Tara could feel swells of curiosity and even tendrils of attraction. She felt Faith’s eyes on her as Dawn pulled boxes down, showing Tara how neatly she’d put everything away for her. Tara hugged Dawn, wanting so badly to feel grateful for the loving care but as she investigated the possessions of her former life all she felt was detached, like sorting through a stranger's belongings, trying to glean a sense of their life from the leftovers, knowing deep down it doesn’t matter. How can you quantify a life with material possessions?</p><p>Faith had disappeared wordlessly leaving Dawn and Tara alone, Dawn still going on endlessly, Tara mostly quiet, listened and interjected occasionally. Dawn dislodged the final box placing it on the floor before Tara where she was crouched, legs bent under herself, surrounded by her former life clumped in cardboard. Dawn delicately pulled the flaps open, pulling the first item from the top and investigating it. Grasped between her pale fingers was a small pink crystal.</p><p>“I’m not sure what this one is,” Dawn said, admiring the stone before handing it to Tara with a soft smile like Tara was a wounded animal she didn’t want to frighten.</p><p>“It’s a doll's eye crystal. My mothers. And hers before. Going back 200 years I think.” Tara felt inundated with a warm, cozy, bittersweet feeling, almost like living again. Her mother’s playful blue eyes danced across her vision and suddenly she wanted to cry. She swallowed it down hearing footsteps on the stairs.</p><p>“Hey Lil’ D, big sis wants you upstairs.” Faith continues down the stairs carrying a tray with food and drinks.</p><p>“Ugh. Fine.” Dawn huffed, reluctantly leaving Tara’s side, passing Faith at the base of the stairs and stealing a grape from the tray before disappearing. And then Tara was alone with Faith and everything felt different. She felt her nerves flare and her head flooded with the boy's voice, words set in ink, ‘Save Faith’. She fixated on the small crystal, feeling the familiar energy of all the women who had held it before, letting it soothe her frayed edges. As Faith inched closer and her nerves calmed she instinctually tuned into Faith’s energy, sensing the broad stroke of her emotions. Nervousness, curiosity, care. She sat her tray on a small box and knelt beside Tara. Tara looked up catching the slight smile tugging at faith’s lips, meeting deep brown eyes that seemed to see right through her.</p><p>“I figured being newly back from the dead and this being your first time explorin’ outside your room you might need a snack.” Faith gestured to the tray.</p><p>“Thanks” Tara flushed, unsure why Faith bothered with the gesture, but sensing empathy coming from Faith, a warm gentle wave of it tickling at Tara. Faith nudges the box with the tray closer to Tara and grabs a sandwich for herself. Tara follows her lead.</p><p>“It must be good to eat again,” Faith says handing Tara a bottle of water.</p><p>“W-what do you mean?” Tara asks unsure what Faith is thinking.</p><p>“You said you was in some kind of limbo. Not heaven or hell. Red said you was dead a year. I figure a year of feeling nothin',” Faith waves the half-eaten sandwich in her hand, using it to gesture as she speaks, “even your basic sandwich must taste fuckin’ phenomenal.”</p><p>Faith’s the first person to ask about what it was like for her, being dead, and it strikes something in her so deeply it makes her swallow and close her eyes. When she opens them again Faith is watching her quizically. Tara bites into her sandwich and for the first time since she’s returned she really tastes the food. It’s like seeing color for the first time.</p><p>“It’s really good actually.” Tara smiles wide at Faith and Faith bites her lip, looks distant for only a moment and Tara feels the warm waves of something else from Faith. She swallows, setting the half-eaten sandwich down, returning her attention to the open box in front of her. She rifles through it, gently moving books and crystals and charms about.</p><p>“What’s that stuff?” Faith asks earnestly, none of the biting edge she uses with everyone else.</p><p>“Things my mother gave me.” Tara answers meeting those deep brown eyes and feeling lost. She knows nothing about Faith, nothing about how to help anyone and she’s supposed to save this girl in front of her, a girl with all the strength and legacy of the slayer surging through her. For a second it looks like Faith wants to ask more but stops herself. Tara tries to stop it but she’s already feeling the subtle shift in mood emanating off the slayer. Curiosity, loneliness, fear.</p><p><br/>“Do ya need help bringing stuff to your room?” Faith’s question isn’t what she wanted to ask, but it’s the next best thing she can think of.</p><p>“No,” Tara says, standing up. She digs through one of the boxes of clothes throwing random articles into the box with her mother’s things. “I don’t really want any of this.” She closes the other boxes, tucking them back against the wall feeling Faith’s eyes burning into her, making her flush. Then Faith is beside her, helping her put all the closed boxes away, safe and sound, to be unpacked another day.</p><p>That night Tara can’t sleep. Till now her magic had felt muffled, muted, washed out, and far away from her. But when the sun set she felt the growing fiery sensation of it, like embers sparking to flame, igniting everything in her and when the raging fire settled to a warm, comforting glow she felt alive again. But feeling alive again meant suddenly having feelings about her death. Once or twice she had drifted off to sleep only to wake feeling the raw searing pain of a bullet splitting flesh, tearing muscle, shattering everything inside her. She woke gasping and crying, desperately choking down air, trying to ground herself against the dizzying panic. She couldn’t face the prospect of sleep again so she sat peering out the window, watching the night sky with its vast millions of stars, the full moon beaming down illuminating the world below. It was the quietest time of night, when everyone slept and all their multitudes of crackling energy dialed back to a gentle murmured hum. Everything was quiet except for one solitary wave of energy, fiery in its familiarity. The day before it had been muted when she was so far away, locked away in her lonely room. Tonight it was an intense solid call, reaching something ineffable inside Tara, drawing her out her room, sending her tiptoeing down the stairs, stepping over all the floorboards she knew creaked the most in the Summer’s home, and into the basement. It’s silent and still as she descends the stairs, but she can feel that Faith is there, awake and listening. She sits up in her cot, leaning back on one arm to support herself.</p><p>“You okay, blondie?” she asks. Tara approaches the bed, eyes adjusting to the darkness till Faith’s face comes into view, full lips and doe eyes, and the everpresent hint of mischief. She looks unconcerned. Her aura says different.</p><p>“I-I couldn’t sleep,” She whispers, hating herself for sounding like a little kid. She’s supposed to be protecting Faith after all.</p><p>“Me neither,” Faith says, shifting over, making room for Tara. Tara takes it, sitting on the edge of the bed, half turned to face Faith. She feels too beautiful to look at.</p><p>“What’s keeping you up?” Tara asks, unsure what else she could possibly say to this girl.</p><p>“It’s too quiet,” Faith answers.</p><p>“You don’t like the quiet?” Tara asks meeting Faith’s eyes feeling deep wells of pain and sadness, all the usual underlying anger receded away.</p><p>“Not when there’s an apocalypse.” Faith looks away from her gaze, suddenly looking small, like the young girl she really is, “What about you?”</p><p>“At first I liked the quiet. Now I can’t stop thinking.”</p><p>“Bout what?” Faith asks, voice soft in the darkness.</p><p>“Dying.”</p><p>“You said you remember dying,” Faith says sitting up, folding her legs under her as she moved closer. “You remember all of it, don’t you?” Tara nodded. Faith just looked sad. “You wanna talk bout it?”</p><p>“What’s there to say.” Tara laughed without humor. “It hurt like hell. The worst pain ever.” She stopped herself, wiping a tear away with the back of her hand, “And Willow was there and then she left and I was all alone and dying. The last thing I remember is Dawnie, watching over me, crying and crying and I just wanted to tell her it’s okay then everything went dark and I was in that...place.” The room fell quiet again, all except the soft sounds of Tara crying. Faith inched closer, reaching out till her fingers brushed away Tara’s tears. She threw her legs over the edge of the bed, leg pressed flush against Tara’s and she wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in for a one armed hug. Tara rested her head against Faith’s shoulder. “Why are you being nice to me?”</p><p>“When I was locked up, I had gotten in a fight with a C.O. He tried to grab my ass and I dropped him. Didn’t go over well and they threw me in solitary for months.” Faith paused, her body stiff against Tara, a wave of anger and fear spiking through her. “Day after day, all alone like that it...it fucks you up. There was a lady there, across the way from me. She’d been alone in there a year. She was so twisted up she ain’t know what was real anymore.” She turned her head to Tara, meeting her cool gaze. “You must be so fuckin’ strong to come out of that the way you did.”</p><p>“I’m not,” Tara whispers, feeling Faith hold her tighter.</p><p>“You are,” Faith answers, voice laced with conviction, “I’m surprised you ain’t talkin’ to Red bout this.”</p><p>“I can’t-I can’t be around her right now.”</p><p>“Cause she left you to kill Warren?” Now it was Tara’s turn to go stiff.</p><p>“N-no. I-” Tara froze sorting her thoughts and her stupid mouth, “it’s more than that. I..” she trailed off. For long moments she said nothing and they sat in the silence feeling the night drift by. Faith waited patiently, waves of sadness and worry emanating from her. “Willow didn’t...things were really intense when I died. We had...we had just gotten back together. And...I don’t know. She mourned and moved on. Being close to her makes it more complicated.” She stopped herself there, with a world of words stifled on her tongue. She’s had so much time to think in her private purgatory waiting for..waiting for this. A mission. So simple and endlessly complicated.</p><p>“Hey,” Faith whispers, pressed close to her ear, “it’s okay. Do you want to lay down a bit?” Tara nods helplessly. Faith guides her down onto the bed till they lay side by side, staring at the musty ceiling together. Time drifts by listlessly till Tara feels heavy and tired. Slowly she sits up, figuring Faith is still asleep. As she steps from the bed Faith sits up, watching intently.</p><p>“I should go back to my room,” Tara says, Faith doesn’t say anything, simply nods and Tara feels a small pang of loss and she doesn’t know if the feeling is Faith’s or her own. She starts to climb the stairs, suddenly remembering something, something vital and all-encompassing. She feels Faith’s eyes burning into her. “Faith,” she whispers in the dark knowing Faith’s slayer hearing will pick up the faint strains. “Before I came back, someone told me something. To tell you. She said her name was Deb. That she wanted you to know she knows how hard its been, but you’re doing the right thing. That she’s proud of you and she loves you.” In the darkness she hears a faint, ‘thank you’ then she leaves Faith alone, feeling waves of sadness twisted into a million things she has no words for.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The most unrealistic thing about the Buffy universe is that she had a basement in her house.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Come Out and Play</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Angst and comfort ahead.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tara had spent the last 24 hours alone in her room. Not eating, not drinking, just her alone with the silence. Whatever she was supposed to be doing she was failing miserably. She felt so uncertain leaving this quiet place. Her magic felt unstable, arcing through her in powerful waves, making her dizzy, setting her on edge. She had spent hours grounding herself with the crystal, painstakingly anchoring herself, dissolving that dangerous power that could undo her. Throughout the day visitors had come, to check on her, bringing food and water. Each time she told them no, sent them away without opening the door. She felt too volatile, too confused by the sudden violent surges of power, unsure if it was the Hellmouth causing her imbalance or a repercussion of her sudden awakening. By mid-afternoon, Willow arrived knocking anxiously at the door. She opened it this time, peering out through a narrow crack. Willow’s worry doubled when they locked eyes. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Willow searched her, desperately trying to read her pallid face. </p><p>“M-my magic is surging. I just n-need to ground myself.” Tara whispered looking away, uncomfortable under that inquisitive gaze. </p><p>“I can help you!” Willow offered, voice worried, green eyes hopeful.</p><p>“It’s better I do it alone,” Tara said, watching Willow’s face fall, “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Anything,” Willow said biting her lip.</p><p>“Are you s-seeing that girl? K-kennedy?” Tara's question made Willow’s face impossibly sadder. </p><p>“I actually wanted to talk to you about that. When you’re feeling better.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Tara said. </p><p>“Can I come in? So we can sit and talk.” Willow leaned closer. </p><p>“No.” Tara shook her head, “I need to finish. I just...I m-meant it’s okay you’re seeing her. I was gone a long time. Y-you moved on.”</p><p>“I’m not.” Willow interrupted, “Seeing her. We only started dating a little while ago. And I...I told her I needed space. To sort it all out.” Willow looked at her, wide-eyed and expectant and in that empty space between them, Tara felt an old urge, to give in, to give Willow what she wanted. To let her in again. Tara closed her eyes and swallowed. When she opened them Willow was still there waiting. </p><p>“Willow...everything’s so confusing. I need time to think too.” That wasn’t exactly true. Tara had had a small eternity with nothing but her thoughts. So many of them of Willow, so many retracing every last inch of their relationship. Tara didn’t need to think, she only needed the words that continued to elude her. Willow’s face closed off again, sad and dejected. Tara felt another pulsing surge of magic, making her dizzy.</p><p>“I get that.” She sighed, “You’ve been through so much.” Willow turned to leave, but stopped looking back once more, “I’m...I’ve changed a lot since you’ve been gone. I hope you feel better.”</p><p>Tara watched Willow leave through that small crack in her door. When she was gone she shut the door, closing herself off again, letting the dizziness overtake her as she collapsed on the bed.</p><p>When Tara wakes it’s dark out and pitch black in her room. The bedside clock tells her it’s 3 in the morning and her stomach aches painfully with hunger, her throat feels raw from thirst. She dry swallows and takes a deep breath, getting her bearings before standing. She works her way out the room and down the stairs, as quiet as possible, tiptoeing around new faces, girls sprawled out in the living room, soundly asleep. Before she even looks she can feel her. Faith’s familiar energy.  Pouring off her, hungry and intense, just like her. Tara could see the faint glow of the kitchen light through the cracks in the door. She quietly moved through the hall, pushing the door open to reveal Faith, suddenly still and on guard, protecting a large pile of Chinese food cartons. </p><p>“I thought you were a potential,” she says, relaxing back into her seat, "there’s no way I'm sharing my dinner with any uh those brats.” Faith picks up a container and continues eating. </p><p>“Nope. Just little old me,” Tara says, offering a small smile to Faith before turning to the fridge and taking a bottle of water, opening it and drinking it down in desperate gulps, feeling Faith’s eyes burn into her as she swallows. The sharp sound of Tara’s stomach rumbling with hunger cut through the quiet kitchen. “Smells good,” Tara blushes despite herself. </p><p>“Here,” Faith says, passing Tara a container. “It’s lo mein. If you don’t like that I got plenty uh different stuff.”</p><p>“I thought you didn’t want to share?” Tara said waving the food away. </p><p>“Not with them.” Faith hands the box to Tara, insisting. “You’re different.” Tara takes it, pulling up a chair beside Faith, finding a plastic fork in the litany of cardboard and plastic and taking a bite, grateful for the warm food. “Lucky there was even a place open. Town’s so fuckin’ empty these days.”</p><p>“It’s from Lucky Palace right?” Tara said eyeing the menu glued to one container’s side. Faith nodded, “The owner’s a Lomlark demon.” Faith raised an eyebrow in surprise, “The Scoobies used to get late-night food from there. The owner asked me once if there was a way to disinvite vampires from the restaurant. Never did figure that out.”</p><p>“Explains why they gave me a discount I guess.” Faith laughs picking up an eggroll and biting in. “You feelin’ better?” Faith asks catching Tara off guard, “Red, after she went and saw you said you wasn’t feelin’ good. I mean… then she was wicked weird the rest of the day so I don’t know what you said to her.” Faith looked distant, staring into her food, “Wish you’d been at the meeting, you’d probably help keep everybody cool. And you understand all that magic shit.” Faith seemed to remember herself and looked back up, catching Tara’s gaze with her warm brown eyes. </p><p>“I’m okay,” Tara answers, pushing food around inside the container idly. “I just was feeling overwhelmed.”</p><p>“I get it,” Faith says, watching her closely. </p><p>“Willow. She... wanted to talk about us. I told her I needed time.” Tara looked away, unable to keep staring into those eyes, letting them dismantle her, layer by layer. </p><p>“Cause it’s complicated?” Faith asks, “Like you said.”</p><p>“That's n-not entirely true. I...I had lots of time to think about it. I relived every part of us and…” Tara pushed her food away with a sigh, “I’m not sure I like the conclusions.” The kitchen fell quiet while Tara searched for those elusive words, Faith waiting patiently at her side. “Before, before we even broke up the first time. I would...I would always let her have her way, you know. On everything. I just… I loved her so much, trusted her, wanted her to stay. And when we got back together, after all the shitty things she did to me,” Tara met Faith’s eyes, sensing the surprise coming off her, unsure what part caused the reaction, “I went back because...because I was lonely and I missed her. And there really wasn’t any reason to believe things would be different. And when I died, all those things she did. Dawnie told me everything. How she hurt people. Tried to end it all. I can’t-” Tara brushed away a tear, “I believe she’s changed. It just took me dying and all of that for her to change.”</p><p>Faith stood from her chair, moving closer to Tara, gently touching her shoulder. Tara turned into her, leaning against Faith, her head pressed into her neck, feeling Faith’s strong arms wrap around her, holding her close while she cried, silent tears that cascaded down soaking Faith’s shirt. Faith didn’t say anything, only held her close, cradling her till the tears ran dry. When Tara pulled away the sun was just beginning to crest the horizon. She looked up into Faith’s serious eyes. Faith cupped her face in one hand, gently wiping away the last of the tears with her thumb.</p><p>“Is that what you wanted to say last night?” Faith asked. Tara nods feeling the warm skin of Faith’s hand on her cheek. </p><p>“I-I didn’t know how to say it.”</p><p>“I think you figured it out.” The hint of a smile tugging at Faith’s lips. “You should get some sleep, T,” She whispers and Tara feels a confusing wave of heartache pour out of Faith. She nodded, leaning her head into Faith one more time. She closes her eyes and sighs before standing. </p><p>“Thank you, Faith.” She said, voice low in the early morning quiet, “For everything.” </p><p>Faith watched Tara leave feeling an indescribable well of emotions pooling inside her with nowhere to go. Dawn had told her a lot about what had gone down between Willow and Tara, filling in the gaps that Willow had failed to mention on their long drive from LA. Faith swallowed back a familiar anger thinking for the millionth time in her short life that ‘Red was crazy’. Crazy to hurt someone so sweet and beautiful, crazy for throwing so much away. But who was she to judge? She’d done awful things too. She couldn’t help but think, if she’d had someone like Tara, maybe things would never have gotten so bad. </p><p>The next day Tara’s worked her way out of the bedroom in time for the latest Scooby meeting. Everyone’s surprised to see her but she smiles nonetheless. She takes a seat next to Dawn feeling Willow and Faith staring into her. Dawn shuffles closer giving her a one-armed hug and she feels a little better. She still had no idea what she was supposed to be doing but Faith’s words had stuck with her and though she was clueless about everything else she <em> could </em>save Faith from the heaviness of the Scooby meetings. She locked eyes with Willow sitting not too far off. Willow leaned closer. </p><p>“I’m glad you’re doing better.” She whispered before returning her attention to the matter at hand. Tara looked to Giles, listening to everything that transpired in her absence. All the new developments in the battle against the First. She can still feel Faith watching her, still feel that curious cocktail of emotions. When Giles mentions creating protection charms for the potentials she jumps at the chance, surprising herself by volunteering even though it means more time with Willow. It doesn’t matter though. It just feels good to be useful again. </p><p>It’s late at night and Tara can’t sleep, anxious at the thought of casting with Willow, still dwelling on all the tangled thoughts holding onto her. At least the meeting had been distracting. At least Faith’s steady presence nearby made her feel safe. She felt a strange pull to see if Faith was still up. It seemed to be a recurring pattern. Slipping from her bedroom she tiptoed her way to the basement, feeling Faith’s energy growing stronger with every tentative step. She climbs down the stairs into the darkened room and when Faith sees her she smiles, genuinely glad it’s her. It makes Tara feel warm inside. </p><p>“Can’t sleep, blondie?” Faith asks in the darkness, the subtle sounds of her shifting, making room for Tara reaching her ears. </p><p>“Not really,” Tara says approaching the small cot. Stretched out on the bed beneath her in a too tight tank top and shorts is Faith, unconcerned about Tara’s prying eyes tracing her exposed skin. Faith pats the empty space beside her inviting her to lie down. Tara does so without thinking. It feels right. Like the only thing she could possibly want. They lay together in the dark, staring at the musty ceiling side by side. “What’s keeping you up?” Tara whispers into the darkness, feeling the heat coming from the girl beside her. </p><p>“What you said,” Faith answers, voice hushed, more vulnerable than Tara could ever imagine her capable of. “The message you gave me.”</p><p>Tara has questions she wants to ask. A million of them, but she’s so unsure of what Faith needs from her in this moment. She shuts her eyes and feels. In the dark her hand brushes against Faith’s. She wraps a finger around one of Faith’s. A simple gesture. </p><p>“Who’s Deb?” she asks when the spike of fear in Faith dissipates. </p><p>“My first watcher,” Faith answers, “I still have nightmares about it sometimes. When she died. The vamp that killed her.” And in the dark Tara holds her hand listening to a story of a little girl left all alone in this world, far too young and completely afraid, living in foster homes, sleeping on streets, fighting to survive even as she’s losing hope, everyday feeling a little darker than the last. One day a strange woman with a funny accent finds her. Faith is 14 and sleeping in a church basement because the priest felt bad for her or maybe wanted to feel her up. She never knew. The woman’s name is Debra but Faith insists on calling her Deb and eventually she stops fighting it. </p><p>Deb takes her away from that life. Tells her she has meaning. Has purpose. A destiny. Faith doesn’t believe her, but Deb is nice and she gives her food and clothes and doesn’t ask for anything that scares Faith and it’s just so nice to have a home for once in her life. For a while it’s good. Good all the way until she’s 16 and being called to be the next slayer. She doesn’t get a say in any of this destiny crap so she loves it and hates it. Hates that she’s helpless to it. Loves the strength. Loves knowing she can never be made weak again. Faith laughs as she tells that part of her story. A wet, choking laugh. She tells Tara she was so stupid. Tara wants to interrupt but doesn’t, afraid of losing the moment. She squeezes Faith’s hand tighter, inching closer till her side is pressed into Faith’s. </p><p>Faith tells her the story about Kakistos. About watching Deb die, being unable to stop it even with all this strength. Faith’s tears don’t stop as she speaks. The waves of sadness and anger coming from her sends Tara reeling. She pushes through it, pulls Faith into her. Hugging her as she cries, wrapping tendrils of her magic around Faith, cradling her everywhere she can’t touch, calming the girl in her arms till she falls asleep against her. Tara follows soon after, too tired to leave. </p><p>She wakes hours later still wrapped around Faith. Her heart races at the embrace and she desperately hopes Faith can’t tell. She nudges her awake enough to tell her she’s going back to her room and Faith mumbles nonsense words, kissing Tara’s neck before turning away, still half asleep and blissfully unaware. Tara thinks she might die again from the way her heart wants to jump out of her chest. </p><p>A week passes. More potentials come pouring in from all over the world. The last of the ones they know of. The ones that survive the Bringers. There’s a creepy preacher in Sunnydale now that scares everyone and Tara doesn’t know what to think. Can only imagine the fire and brimstone preachers of her father’s world. The kind that preached holiness but hated everyone, spewing hatred and hypocrisy from their pulpits every Sunday. Tara hasn’t spoken to Faith since that night in the basement. There’s just too many people and no more private spaces. There’s too much for everyone to do and never enough time. Tara throws herself into creating protection charms. She casts spells to protect the house from Bringers with Willow. They spend hours together researching and problem solving. It reminds her of years ago when she was just a girl falling in love with a bright, bubbly redhead and the world was simpler, though she didn’t know it at the time. Willow gets that eager, hopeful look when they’re alone together and Tara ignores it, unsure what to say.</p><p>At the next Scooby meeting they talk about the overcrowding. With the neighborhood abandoned they can branch into the houses next door. They decide who will be in charge of each house and Faith being a slayer is naturally chosen. When it’s decided she can feel the nervousness from Faith in sharp pangs, it makes her chest hurt. She finds herself volunteering to follow Faith, to help her take care of the potentials. Faith looks to her, her anxiety intensifies. Tara doesn’t meet her gaze. Instead she sees Willow, her face unreadable. After the meeting Willow finds her alone in the backyard, watching the sun begin to set, turning the sky into bright airy pinks and bursts of orange. Willow asks her if she’s sure she wants to change houses. Says she was hoping Tara would stay close. Tara tells her she’ll be next door, whenever Willow needs her. Willow seems to accept the answer. They watch the sunset together. Tara can’t help but think about Willow’s words. About staying close. She realizes she was scared to be away from Faith. She can’t stop thinking about her mission. That crumpled piece of paper stained with her sweat. ‘Save Faith’. That’s all she wants to do.</p><p>It takes them a brief 2 days to get set up in the neighbor's house. Faith seems at a loss of what to do now that she’s been trusted with this particular responsibility. Tara starts directing potentials on where to set up beds, how they’ll divide up responsibilities. Faith watches on, a look of gratitude and awe etched on her face as she watches everything come together. Tara just feels grateful she can do this for Faith. </p><p>The potentials set up a cot for Tara in the master bedroom alongside Faith. Everyone still has to share bedrooms even with the additional space and the potentials naturally group them together. </p><p>“Guess they figured the old farts would bunk together” Faith jokes once the door is shut and they’re in their new room together. She’s stretched out on the queen size bed watching Tara move her bags off the small cot. </p><p>“We’re not that much older than them,” Tara says. </p><p>“To them we might as well be ancient,” she laughs.</p><p>“I’m only 21,” Tara sighs. Faith sits up on the bed, suddenly somber as she appraises the quiet look on Tara’s face. </p><p>“What is it?” Faith asks. She crosses the room to sit beside her. </p><p>“Just realizing I missed my birthday,” Tara says snapping out of it. Faith gets a distant look on her face. They start winding down for the night. Tara goes to shower and before she’s out the room Faith tells her she’s going out to do a quick patrol. Tara doesn’t think much of it. She takes her time letting the hot water cleanse her, letting it wash away all her troubled thoughts. The room is still empty when she’s done. She lies in her cot reading comfortably in her pajamas, enjoying the quiet and peaceful harmony the house has already settled into. </p><p>When the door opens again she hears Faith’s graceful footsteps and a quiet laugh. “You’re not seriously gonna sleep on that thing?” </p><p>“Why not?” Tara asks, still immersed in her book. </p><p>“Cause it’s your birthday,” Faith says with a smile. Tara looks up now seeing Faith’s mischievous grin and the bag she’s holding, “Belated anyways.” Tara sits up, watching Faith, her head cocked in curiosity as she sets the bag down on the bed and pulls out a bottle of wine and a box of hostess cakes “Best I could do on short notice.”</p><p>Tara stands from the cot watching the excitement on Faith’s face. “Has anyone ever told you you’re kinda cute when you want to be?”</p><p>“Never!” Faith laughs handing Tara a paper cup, “And don’t you dare tell anyone that I’m cute.” She fills Tara’s cup to the brim. Tara laughs, she doesn’t stop her. Faith fills her own cup the same and they toast, taking long pulls of the cheap wine. They spend the night drinking wine, growing tipsy, and eating cheap cake from plastic packaging. They share stories and Tara feels the happiest she’s been since she’s returned from the dead. Somehow in their haze they fall asleep entangled on the large bed, Tara wrapped up in Faith’s strong arms this time, her head on Faith’s chest, firmly planted against her. </p><p>Faith wakes first and she spends the morning watching Tara sleep peacefully in her arms. She feels stupid but she can’t help but enjoy the soft, warm feel of whatever this is. Tara looks so beautiful when she sleeps it makes Faith’s urge to protect her that much stronger. </p><p>It’s still too early when Tara’s eyes flutter open. Faith ignores the way those eyes make her stomach clench. Faith expects Tara to pull away, to feel embarrassed, ashamed to wake up with her. She expects disgust. But Tara never pulls away. She nuzzles closer with a happy sigh and Faith feels scared. She looks down to the soft head of blonde hair on her chest, runs her fingers through it and feels steadier. Tara looks up and smiles. </p><p>“Tell me about your past?” Faith asks, voice hushed, ashamed to break the quiet. “Where you grew up. Your family. That kinda stuff.”</p><p>Tara shifts and pulls the blankets tighter around them like a nest. In her soft and beautiful voice, she tells her a story about growing up in West Texas. About her mother and father who had made careless mistakes, mired in their own sadness and youthful hopes, and ended up stuck to one another with a baby. Her brother. Her father was ecstatic to have a boy, ecstatic enough to overlook her mother’s witchcraft. Him being a devout man of the Lord could never abide by it. So Tara’s mother hid. Letting parts of herself suffocate and wither till one day a miracle happened. Her mother’s words. A miracle. A beautiful little girl, bright and shining and happy as sunshine. Her mother loved her so much. And for a long time life was normal. At least Tara never noticed anything wrong. Not till she was older, when she became aware of the bruises her mother hid, of the tears she shed when she thought no one was watching, of the excuses her mother made. Endless excuses. In the early twilight, Tara tells Faith that maybe it's ironic how she ended up the same as her mother, with someone more concerned with controlling her than loving her. Ended up staying till it killed them. </p><p>She tells Faith about growing up in her small town, always being an outsider. How people looked at her funny. About secret lessons with her mother, learning her heritage, the vast lineage of women like her that had practiced magic, passing it down generation to generation. How that legacy was her mother’s then Tara’s. How it made Tara feel a part of something bigger than her stupid small life. She tells Faith that as she got older, maybe around 14 she started noticing girls. Noticing in the way all the other girls noticed the stupid boys running around their high school. How when her father found out he had hit her. How it had been the only time she’d ever seen her mother stand up to her father, sending him sprawling on the floor in abject pain, choking and gasping for air. When her mother had let up, frightened of what she’d done, her father had taken the opportunity, beating her mother bloody, landing her in the hospital. He never laid a hand on Tara after that. But that’s when the demon talk began. </p><p>She stops a moment, tearing up but pressing forward, telling Faith that while her mother was in the hospital he took her out. Just the two of them. Something that never, ever happened. Her father tells her a story, about her mother’s family and magic and power, of demons and evil and control. He says her mother has a demon in her, that that’s the cause of the magic. That it hurts people unless good, honest people like him keep it under control. Tara felt sick to her stomach that whole car ride and when they got home she spent an hour in the bathroom dry heaving as if she could purge the evil from herself.</p><p>She tells Faith about her mother withering away. Growing sick until one day, when Tara’s 17, her mother is gone. For good. Forever. How suddenly there’s nothing protecting her from her father and Donny anymore. She spends a year suffering quietly, hiding bruises, explaining away cuts, and broken bones. Secretly she uses the little bit of money her mother left her to apply to every college that might take her. Accepting the first and furthest offer. UC Sunnydale. The first college to offer her a mostly full scholarship. She sent her acceptance letter. That summer, while her father and Donny were away on a hunting trip she bought a bus ticket, packed everything she could carry, and left. </p><p>“You know,” Faith whispers in the ever brightening room, “I think we got to Sunnydale at the same time.”</p><p>Tara thinks back to her arrival at a tiny bus station in a strange California town, further away than she’d ever been from home. She thinks of the stories she’s been told from Will and Buffy and Faith. </p><p>With a smile, she answers “I think you’re right.”</p><p>They linger in bed a while longer before Tara pries herself away, needing to organize breakfast for all of them. Tara goes to the bathroom to clean herself up. She’s shocked at the things she had shared with Faith. Things she’d never told anyone. Not even Willow. When she returns to the room Faith is dressed and the bed is made, She doesn’t say anything as she passes Tara, disappearing into the bathroom. Tara changes quickly, putting her dirty clothes away and debates waiting for Faith or going to the kitchen to start the day’s work, but Faith is back before she’s made a decision. She has a strange look on her face when she approaches Tara, standing in front of her, eyes wide and vulnerable. Faith moves slowly as she wraps Tara in her arms, pulling her close, pulling her into her warm, lean body.  Tara can’t help but hug her back. </p><p>“Thank you,” Faith whispers in her ear, “for telling me all that.”</p><p>They’re quiet for a moment in that early morning sunlight, still holding one another, birds chirping happily outside their windows. </p><p>“Let’s make breakfast,” Tara says, pulling away, hiding the blush on her cheeks to no avail. Faith follows her out the room and into the kitchen, She dutifully listens as Tara instructs her on how to help. They make pancakes and eggs for everyone, Faith making every inappropriate joke she can think up to get Tara to blush and giggle, feeling rewarded for each little token. As the girls start to trickle in they take their plates and cups of coffee to go eat side by side in the living room. </p><p>Faith gets swept away with the day and Tara doesn’t see her again till late that night. She comes bursting through the door, clutching a badly injured potential. A young girl with deep brown skin and dark hair. She’s being trailed by a group of potentials. One rushes back out the door at Faith’s command to find Giles. She lays the girl on the sofa. Tara jumps in assessing the damage. She lightly lifts the girls torn and bloody shirt, seeing a rib bone protruding through the skin. Tara swallows down her fear and tries to help the girl. Tries to stem the bleeding. </p><p>“She needs a doctor,” Tara says. </p><p>“Is there anyone at the hospital?” </p><p>“Anya and Andrew said it’s deserted,” Tara answers. The fear becomes uncontrollable. “I-I can t-try to heal her. Stop the worst of it.” Tara shuts her eyes, touching near the open wounds, focusing all her magic into this girl. Envisioning all the torn muscle, the broken bones, seeing them knit back together. She pushes as much as she can but she still can’t stop the bleeding. There’s something wrong. Deeper and not obvious. Tara looks and sees a puncture in her lung. “Faith,” she says, voice watery with unshed tears, “I can’t on my own. She’s bleeding internally. Can I draw from you?”</p><p>“What does that mean?” Faith asks.</p><p>“I’ll draw from your slayer powers.”</p><p>Faith searches Tara’s intent gaze a moment then nods, “What do I do?”</p><p>Tara takes her hand, entwining their fingers. “Just close your eyes and imagine sending energy into me.” Faith nods, closing her eyes, face pinched in thought. Tara feels the rush of energy right away. It makes her breathless and for a moment she loses her bearings. She steadies herself, focusing on being a conduit, channeling Faith’s energy, transmuting it with her magic, passing into the unconscious girl on the couch. She seals the puncture, sending blood back into her veins. She hopes it’s enough as she draws the magic back, closing off the link between her and Faith in the process. Faith releases a small sigh when the connection is broken. The girl is starting to wake up with a sputtering cough. Tara opens her eyes to see Faith’s brown eyes staring into her, full of awe. In the doorway are Giles and Willow looking on in shock. Tara starts to say something when suddenly she’s collapsing, too weak to stand anymore. Faith catches her in an instant, lifting her into her arms, pulling her close. </p><p>“You okay, T?” she asks. </p><p>“Yeah.” Tara nods, “That was a lot. I n-need to lie down.” Faith nods and carries her off, letting Giles and Willow take over from here. </p><p>Faith has an arm around her shoulders and one under her knees, holding her close as she ascends the stairs, Tara’s face tucked into her neck, each breath tickling the sensitive skin. She feels a faint hum, like Tara’s touch is lingering all over. In their newly shared bedroom Faith places her on the bed as gentle as possible, regretting the loss of contact right away. She shuts the door before returning to Tara’s side, seated at the edge of the bed. </p><p>“You sure you okay?” Faith asks, worry surging through her, “That was intense.”</p><p>“I’m okay,” Tara says, leaning up, coming closer to Faith. “D-do you feel that?”</p><p>Faith doesn’t ask what she means. She already knows. Tara reaches a hand out, touching Faith’s chest, just above her heart. She leans in, forehead pressed to Faith’s, her warm breath tickling Faith’s lips.</p><p>“Yes,” Faith whispers. Her eyes glance down to Tara’s full lips, her heart races under Tara’s palm. She can’t be sure who makes the first move, who closes the slight gaps between them, all that matters is that that empty space is gone. Tara’s lips caress her own, over and over in a gentle kiss. Faith groans into her, kissing back, exploring every inch of Tara’s sweet delicate mouth. The kiss feels endless and she’s so grateful for it. Eventually, she pulls away, unable to breathe. Tara’s panting too, eyes clouded and lips swollen. She looks so beautiful it makes Faith’s heart ache. It’s her first kiss since she went to jail. It’s Tara’s first since she’s come back to life. </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Reasons Not To Die</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter title is in reference to the song "Reasons Not To Die" by Ryn Weaver</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tara and Faith kiss a lot now. Late at night. In their bedroom. In the early morning hours before the day begins. In every private, secret space. Any chance they get. They haven’t told anyone about them, whatever it is that’s happening between them. There’s no time between training potentials and finding any way possible to defeat the First. Besides, neither of them even have the words to explain it. </p><p>In the daytime Faith trains potentials. Tara works with Willow to cover the magic aspects of what passes for day to day living in an apocalypse. They spend hours researching. The pair attend Scooby meetings alongside everyone else. Sometimes Faith sits close to Tara and it makes everything a little easier. Except, when Faith’s near, Tara doesn’t hear the meeting, only sees flashes of hot kisses, heated whispers, her name on Faith’s lips, a small prayer for more. When she tunes back into the meeting everyone's moved on and she’s confused. </p><p>Some nights Tara goes patrolling with Faith and the potentials. Making sure the girls are safe. Making sure Faith is protected. But also to practice the spells she might need in their final fight. When they get home they spend hours in their bed, entangled and talking, learning more about each other between kisses and soft caresses. Tara wants to be surprised that Faith’s consented to this torturously slow pace but part of her realizes Faith’s never had this. The slow, intimate build, the careful crafting of a bond, the gentle loving touches and longing looks. She’s thrilled that she can give this to her. Their small oasis, taking refuge in each other. </p><p>Weeks pass by like this and it almost feels normal, almost feels like home. The potentials start to feel like sisters as she coaches them through their first apocalypse. Her and Faith laugh about being old pros at this end of the world business. The potentials roll their eyes and ignore them. They don’t comment on the easy rapport Tara and Faith have fallen into, the give and take, the ways they fill in for one another, doing what the other can’t, supporting the other in the small ways they can. Faith trains the future slayers to fight, to protect themselves, to protect one another. Tara organizes them, keeps them grounded. Tara grows to like this new arrangement, even if the end of the world is at their heels. Even learns to like the annoying, playful way the potentials call her ‘Mom’. The joke softened when they start calling Faith ‘Dad’. It bothers Faith too and that makes her smile, they can be grumpy ‘parents’ together. With the whirlwind they’re constantly thrust in she scarcely has time to fall back into the ennui. Faith watches her when it catches up to her, suddenly crushing her under its weight, sending her spiraling into the oppressive nothingness. Faith holds her when this happens, anchoring her to the Earth, never saying anything more than her name in hushed whispers, soft affirmations that she’s here, alive on Earth, here with Faith. She wipes away the tears when it passes. </p><p>The town is empty and the First is sending Bringers and Uber Vamps and Caleb seems more agitated as the days pass and their war only grows more complicated. They need the potentials to be prepared now. They take them patrolling. They tell them to be ready for anything. Vampires, demons, Bringers, Turok Han. Tara joins Buffy, Faith, Willow, Kennedy, and Spike in guarding the potentials on this endeavor. Things are still awkward with Willow but they’ve grown back into doing magic together, researching and sharing ideas, fine-tuning till they find their answers. She ends up close to Willow on their patrol as they meander through empty streets and silent graveyards. Tara feels nervous, but not because of the vampires and demons and the girls they’re there to teach and protect. She’s acutely aware of the eyes on her. Willow’s as she keeps pace at her side, her trademark babbling here and there to break the silence as she side-eyes her, looking for <em> something </em> and Tara has to swallow down the guilt she feels. Then there’s Kennedy, behind them making sure nothing can sneak up unnoticed. Except Kennedy is more interested in Tara and Willow and whatever is or isn’t going on between them. And then there’s Faith, who she’s sure can feel her nerves because she continually looks back from her position ahead and to the side, looking straight at Tara every time she scans the group. Even far away Tara can catch the worried glint in her eye, can feel her own anxieties along their growing bond. She catches Faith’s eyes every time she looks and feels a wave of warmth and reassurance. It makes her smile, which only seems to encourage an oblivious Willow. Tara sighs and shakes her head returning her attention to her ex-girlfriend when suddenly something is wrong. They’re in a graveyard and from the shadows and every corner vampires and demons come pouring out, surrounding them.</p><p>In the chaos, their group gets split into three and Tara finds herself with Willow, Faith, and a group of maybe 6 potentials. They’re in a far-reaching corner of the cemetery, using a mausoleum for defense. They manage to do away with most of the vampires and demons that had chased after them. Tara’s offensive spells have only gotten better with practice and the magic in her that’s only grown more powerful since she’s returned. She casts a fireball exploding two vampires who’ve pinned a potential. They dissolve to ash in a wave of heat and smoke that fills the air with its charred smell. She holds a demon with a binding spell long enough for another potential to cut his head off. She’s too caught up with protecting potentials that she doesn’t notice the vampire behind her, knocking her to the ground with a solid punch to the temple that makes her head ring and her vision blur. She feels horrifying rippling waves of fear and anger come from Faith. She really hopes she’s not about to die. </p><p>When her vision returns and the world stops spinning she sees grass, dark green in the moonless night then a pair of men’s shoes. She looks up and sees her father’s face. He’s hovering over her with that familiar disgusted look. She wants to vomit but swallows it back. </p><p>“What do you want, Dad?” she asks in her haze, trying desperately to focus, hoping she’s not really dying. </p><p>“I just needed to talk,” he says, voice so calm and reasonable. The sounds of fighting stop and everyone is looking on at the strange intrusion. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you. The things I said to you. The things I did. You must think I’m a real monster.”</p><p>“Tara,” Faith starts, running to her side, staring the man down. </p><p>“Dad,” Tara says, watching him closely, feeling tears sting her eyes. </p><p>“I don’t want to fight you, Tara. I just wanted to tell you I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won’t be, and...I’m sorry.”</p><p>“What?” Tara asks, playing into this when she knows she shouldn’t.</p><p>“It’s not just you, you know. Your mother and I, we...well you come by it honestly, all that ugliness inside you.” Her father sighs, the disgust mingling with sadness and pity. Tara wants to die. “You were born broken, that’s your real birthright. Not the magic. You can fill your life with spells and classes, your little girlfriends,” he pauses looking to Faith, looking to Willow, “but it won’t make you whole. You’re Tara Maclay. Nothing’s ever going to fix that.”</p><p>“Dad,” Tara sobs.</p><p>“Get the fuck away from her,” Faith growls. The fierce anger of her voice brings Tara back just enough. </p><p>“Are you dead?” Tara asks this figment, this evil wearing her father’s face. </p><p>“Figured it out. Oh well.” He shakes his head, “Always too smart for your own good.”</p><p>“How’d you die?” she asks, wondering if the First could even know that.</p><p>“Hunting accident with your brother,” The First says watching Tara closely, assessing her, taking her apart and reconfiguring her, figuring what she’s worth with her father’s cutting glare. </p><p>Tara lets out a sick bark of laughter. “Makes sense. Donny always talked about killing you. Said he could make it look like an accident.”</p><p>“That funny to you, demon,” her father sneers.</p><p>“No,” Tara answers, no humor in her voice. “I told you he would and you broke my arm,” Faith helps her stand and now she’s face to face with the First. </p><p>“Why’d they send you back?” He asks, all pretense abandoned. “They only bring mortals back if they have something important to do.” The First leans closer, inches from her face, “What do you have planned? Whatever it is, you’re going to fail.”</p><p>Then he’s gone and it’s just Tara in a cemetery with Faith’s arm around her, supporting her weight, Willow on her other side, and a bunch of frightened teenage girls she can’t help or protect. They regroup with everyone else. No one seems too damaged all things considered. Willow and Faith help Tara home. </p><p>They all sit in the living room of the Summer’s house talking about this latest battle. She’s caught on the sofa between Dawn and Willow, both doting over her head wound. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Willow asks. Tara’s eyes are still red and raw from crying. She doesn’t say anything. </p><p>“Tara,” Giles says, interrupting that small moment. Tara pales with all the eyes suddenly on her. Faith steps closer, at her side now, silently lending strength. “The First singled you out. What did it say to you?” Tara looks sick and Willow grasps Tara’s hand. Tara feels a wave of acute jealousy and anger from Faith. It doesn’t help matters. </p><p>“It’s okay,” Willow says, “those awful things. It was just the First messing with you.”</p><p>“N-no,” Tara stutters out, “what he said. It was, i-it was the last time I ever talked to him. My dad. H-he called me. A few days before Glory um...I n-never told you.” Tara trails off feeling the sharp sting of tears. Dawn puts an arm around her. Giles looks sad. Willow looks hurt. </p><p>“So it was trying to hurt you.” Giles takes his glasses off, “Did it say anything else? Anything you hadn’t heard before.”</p><p>“G-man, can we talk later? She’s got a serious head wound.” Faith says, angry and protective, speaking up for the first time. </p><p>“Quite right,” he flushes in embarrassment. </p><p>“It’s okay,” Tara says looking down at her lap, unable to meet their eyes. “He told me m-my father died. Then he asked why they brought me back. Said they only bring mortals back that have something important to do. Then he told me I’d fail.” </p><p>“Do you know what he was talking about?” Buffy asks in earnest, meeting Giles' gaze.</p><p>Tara is quiet a moment, feeling a cold pit in her stomach. Her mission. “N-no,” she lies, “C-can I go to bed? It’s been an awful night.”</p><p>“Of course,” Giles says, moving to help her up. Faith gets there first, and Tara disentangles her fingers from Willow’s, taking Faith’s hand instead as she helps her stand. “May I visit if there are any more questions?”</p><p>Tara gives a weary yes before Faith takes her home, to their shared room. She sets Tara down on the bed they’ve shared every night since they moved in. Faith disappears into the bathroom, returning with a first aid kit and a wet washcloth. Tara isn’t helpless, but she lets Faith take care of her anyway, letting her slip her jacket off before delicately cleaning blood off her face. Tara hadn’t realized she was bleeding. With a delicate finger, Faith traces the bruises forming on Tara’s pale skin. She sees a quiet tear fall from Faith’s eyes. With a steadfast gentleness, Faith bandages the small wounds on Tara. </p><p>“Tara,” she starts, cupping Tara’s jaw in a steady hand, “I know it’s been a fucking shit show of a night, but I’m scared you have a concussion. Can you-can you do that mojo you did on that potential on yourself?” It takes a moment for Faith’s words to register and even longer to make sense, but when they do Tara nods, regretting it immediately when a sharp pain stings behind her eyes. “Tara,” Faith takes Tara’s hand in her free hand, presses her lips softly to Tara’s forehead, “please.”</p><p>Tara breathes deep, clearing herself as much as she can and opens the connection between her and Faith, pulling from her strength, using it to piece the broken bits inside her back together. She can feel Faith pushing energy into her and it makes her flush with an uncanny warmth that feels so much like love it makes her want to cry with the relief of it. When Tara’s healed she opens her eyes and sees Faith watching her. </p><p>“That’s better,” Tara whispers. Faith nods and kneels before her, meeting her eyes a moment, searching her, a world of unspoken words on the tip of her tongue. She doesn’t speak, only kisses Tara. The kiss feels like a sigh of relief. Faith pulls away, going to the dresser and pulls out Tara’s favorite pajamas, a warm cotton t-shirt and pale blue shorts. She kneels before Tara again silently asking her consent before undressing her, changing her into the clothes, and helping her under the blankets. Faith doesn’t bother leaving to change. She turns the lights off and quietly strips feeling Tara’s eyes caught on her every movement. She doesn’t shy away from the gaze. Let’s Tara watch unabashedly. When she’s dressed again she slips in bed beside Tara, pulling her close, till she’s in her arms, head tucked beneath her chin. </p><p>“We don’t gotta talk about it,” Faith whispers, “But if you want to. I’m here. Now. Later. Whenever. And that shit your dad said. I’m sorry he’s dead I guess, but he was a fucking idiot for not seeing how fucking beautiful and amazing you are.” Faith kisses her head, squeezing her tighter, feeling tears soak her tank top. “He ain’t know how lucky he was. Whatever you’re meant to do Tara, I know you’re gonna do it. And you’re gonna be amazing at it.”</p><p>Tara looks up into those dark eyes and feels her heart healing and breaking all at once. “I hope so,” she whispers kissing Faith fiercely. She turns, still desperately clinging to Faith, till she’s on top of her, presses flush against the other girl. Faith moans into her mouth. “Faith,” she sighs between kisses. They hold each other, kissing till exhaustion sets in and Tara falls asleep still in Faith’s arms. She wakes before Faith and watches her sleep, desperately praying she can keep Faith safe. </p><p>The next day potentials have organized a game night, seemingly to boost everyone’s spirits after the intense night before. They scrounge together snacks and candy and find every board game they can in the abandoned neighborhood. Faith embraces the idea oddly enough and despite how traumatic last night was she can’t help but enjoy Faith’s exuberance and youthful energy as she piles heaps of candy and prepackaged pastries on Tara's plate, making sure Tara gets the best stuff. She smiles and laughs at Faith’s antics as they play game after game with the girls and feels a stab of pain in her stomach when she imagines her and Faith in a house of their own, with kids of their own, laughing over inside jokes and acting foolish. She closes her eyes and swallows. When she looks again Faith is watching her with curiosity. Tara takes her hand, squeezes it briefly in reassurance. Faith smiles and returns to losing badly at Monopoly. </p><p>Game night is just starting to wrap up when Buffy, Giles, and Willow show up asking to see Tara and Faith. One potential points to the kitchen. </p><p>“Mom’s in the kitchen,” she laughs, “Dad’s in the yard being, what’d Tara say,” the potential snaps her fingers, “surly. That’s it!”</p><p>“More like being a sore loser,” another potential laughs.</p><p>“I think that’s what it means,” A third interjects.</p><p>“Not quite,” Giles answers with a small smile, “could you get them?” The girls nod and scurry off, leaving the trio to wait in the living room. It’s not long before Faith and Tara join them. </p><p>“What’s up?” Faith asks sitting casually in an armchair. Tara sits on the arm of it, needing to keep close to the other girl. </p><p>“Did you need to know anything else about yesterday?” Tara asks, looking small and sad. </p><p>“No,” Giles says, “but this is somewhat related. We’ve received word from the coven in Devonshire. They’ve been using their resources to look for ways to defeat the First and they believe they’ve found a strong lead.”</p><p>“Really?” Faith sits up straighter.  </p><p>“Yes. A weapon. Forged for the slayer, possessing the essence of the slayer line.”</p><p>“That’s fucking amazing! Let’s get it!” Faith shoots up looking ready to go this instant. </p><p>“That’s the complication. We aren’t sure where it is. We can only assume it’s close considering last night's coordinated attack.” </p><p>“You think the First wanted to distract us?” Tara says.</p><p>“Precisely,” Giles answers, smiling warmly at the young witch. </p><p>“Wait, so how exactly does it help us kill the First.”</p><p>“We aren’t sure. However, it seems to be of particular interest to the First. Considering neither Caleb or the Bringers were present during the attack.”</p><p>“Could he-” Tara says drawing their attention, “Could he use it to-”</p><p>“Unmake the slayers” Willow cuts in, meeting Tara’s eyes with a sheepish smile. “I think that’s what they’re gunning for. Not like the First or Caleb could wield it.”</p><p>“Faith,” Buffy says, “We should go patrol, try to dig up any info we can.” Faith nods, already collecting weapons. Tara watches in worry. </p><p>While Faith and Buffy are gone Tara begins researching with Willow, Giles, and Dawn, seeking any method they can use to locate this mythic ax. The hours and hours of straining through text after text yields few results and Tara stops seeing the words on the page, only feels angry that they couldn’t have just told her about the ax when she was still dead to save her the trouble. Her emotions are roiling beneath the surface and she feels hopeless. Tara excuses herself, needing to be alone. </p><p>She lays alone in the bed she shares with Faith, smelling her earthy scent clinging to the pillows and sheets. Leather and sandalwood and chocolate. She wishes Faith were there with her, comforting her. She laughs at herself. She’s meant to save Faith and all she wants is for Faith to take care of her. Maybe the First was right after all. She’s lost and confused and useless. How could she possibly protect Faith? </p><p>“Can’t you just fucking tell me what to do?” she asks aloud, feeling the frustration bubble up. Needing to center herself she abandons the bedroom to take a bath, hoping the water and cleansing salts will ground her. </p><p>The bath seems to help and when she returns, feeling lighter and a little more hopeful, she finds Faith there, stretched out in their bed. Her energy is agitated and Tara can’t lock onto why. Her emotions are swirling so rapidly Tara can barely decipher one from the next.</p><p>“Are you okay, Faith?” she asks startling the girl who shoots up, taking her in, eyes hungry and devouring the sight of Tara’s body in a tank top and shorts. </p><p>“Yeah” Faith sighs falling back onto the bed, “Yeah.” </p><p>“Was patrol good?” she asks kneeling on the bed hovering over Faith who’s eyes are shut tight.</p><p>“Five by five.”</p><p>“What happened?” Tara is confused and curious enough to slowly pull answers from her. </p><p>“Slayed a few vamps, killed a demon. No word on any fucking weapon. Any news on the research front?”</p><p>“Not really. We think it’s some kind of ax.”</p><p>“Neat.” Faith says throwing an arm over her eyes. </p><p>“Faith,” Tara sighs, “sweetie, what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Faith grumbles shifting away from Tara. Tara takes her arm, pulling it away so she can see her eyes. The worry on Tara’s face softens Faith, “Nothing. I...nothing.” Tara shakes her head, ignoring Faith’s odd behavior. She stretches out beside Faith and inches closer, ready to take her normal sleep position pressed beside Faith, but Faith stops her with a shaky hand. </p><p>“Faith?” Tara questions suddenly very worried. Faith hears it in her voice and looks to her, meeting her eyes. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Faith groans.</p><p>“Oh.” Tara frowns, “I just thought...I just needed to be close to you but-”</p><p>“Hey.” Faith shifts, touching Tara’s hair gently, “Hey, I’m sorry,” she whispers, “I’m just...worked up. Slaying gets me all...wound up sometimes.” She raises her eyebrows trying to communicate what she means without saying it.</p><p>“Oh,” Tara says realizing immediately. She shifts till she’s hovering above Faith again, “I can help you with that.” She smiles leaning in to kiss Faith. Faith stops her again before her lips can land. </p><p>“No.” Faith shakes her head, “The first time we make love isn’t going to be a hungry horny thing.” </p><p>Tara can’t help but ask, “You’ve thought about us making love?”</p><p>“All the time,” Faith groans grasping a pillow and pulling it over her head, blinding her to the world. Tara’s quiet a moment, contemplating before she removes the pillow from Faith’s hands, catching deep brown eyes, seeing the lust pooling in them. </p><p>“Okay,” Tara nods, “tell you what? It’s hungry and horny, right? I’m gonna go make us some food. Can you meet me in the kitchen in 20 minutes? If that’s enough time.” She smirks. Faith is confused till Tara takes her hand, kisses it lightly then places it on her chest. Holding onto her she guides Faith around her body, letting her touch her everywhere over her clothes. Breasts, stomach, hips, thighs, palming briefly between her legs. Faith latches onto the idea, grasping onto the full swell of Tara’s ass with her free hand and kissing her passionately. They kiss and touch for endless moments before Tara’s pulling away, leaving Faith to her own devices. </p><p>In the kitchen she hastily puts together a few sandwiches for her and Faith, hoping it’s enough to make Faith happy. She can’t help but blush every time she thinks about what Faith is currently doing in their bed, wishing she was there with her, touching her in all the places Faith must be touching right now. The thought makes her warm with desire. Soon Faith is entering the kitchen, looking flush but relaxed. Tara smiles at the sight of her. The kitchen’s empty and the house is quiet so Tara pulls her into a tight hug, kissing her soundly. </p><p>“Thank you,” Faith says pulling away long enough to cup her face in one palm. She kisses Tara again, making Tara’s head spin, “For being here. I feel like I can get through this with you here. Like I got a reason to survive this shit.”</p><p>“I know what you mean,” Tara says resting her forehead against Faith’s. She pulls out of Faith’s embrace, taking a small radio from the window sill and clicking it on, turning the volume low. “Dance with me?” she asks taking Faith’s hand in hers. Faith smiles scooping her up and swaying with Tara tucked in her arms. The world is ending and somehow they both feel happy. </p><p>Tara falls asleep that night in her Faith’s arms, hopelessly entwined with her and feeling at peace. She dreams of Faith’s hot kisses, her hands roaming freely across her heated skin, Faith’s hips caught between Tara’s naked thighs. Tara’s wet center pressed against Faith, feeling the slick heat slide against her. She wakes in the darkened room gasping. Faith clings on to her in the darkness, pressing soft kisses to her temple, running hands along her back.</p><p>“I need you,” Tara gasps pulling Faith on top of her, catching her between her legs. She leans up kissing her, slipping her tongue against Faith’s, feeling the full lips caress her. She wraps her legs around Faith’s waist, desperate to feel this woman who captured her heart, stolen it away so thoroughly it leaves Tara breathless. Faith grinds into her, thrusting over and over into her center, kissing her so thoroughly it possesses Tara and soon she’s helplessly gasping Faith’s name against her lips looking into those deep brown eyes as she falls apart, hands tangled in long brown hair. Faith watches her in awe before kissing her again, waiting for Tara’s breathing to even out. </p><p>“Did you?” Faith asks, not quite finishing her question.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Tara says, turning her head, looking away, afraid to meet that piercing gaze. </p><p>“Don’t be,” Faith says, still on top of her. She leans down kissing Tara’s cheek, trailing across her jaw and her neck, “You’re so beautiful,” Faith whispers. She takes Tara’s jaw in her grasp, turning her head till they’re eye to eye. “So fucking beautiful,” she says leaning in and capturing Tara’s lips in another heated kiss, thrusting her hips pointedly. Tara sighs with pleasure. “Let’s get some sleep,” Faith says, rolling off Tara, collecting her in her arms again and soothing her to sleep. </p><p>Days and days pass and all their research yields few results. Things between Tara and Faith only grow more heated, driving Tara endlessly crazy in her desperate bid for relief, to be as close to Faith as possible. They spend hours kissing and touching, rutting helplessly against each other but Faith stops herself, pulls back before they can ever cross that line. Tara spends a lot of time wondering why.</p><p>This particular afternoon she’s meditating in their bedroom, washing herself clean of all her thoughts of the First and this mystery weapon and the beautiful woman that’s holding back from her. She loses track of time and when she opens her eyes again hours have passed and Faith is entering the bedroom, scarcely making a sound. She turns and watches her, the graceful way she moves, the sweat glistening off her, all the exposed skin her workout gear reveals. She’s been training with the potentials and her skin is glowing from the exertion. Tara stands, taking Faith in her arms, holding her close. Faith doesn’t fight the intimate gesture, she revels in it, lost in their small little world they’ve built for themselves in these four walls. </p><p>“You’re beautiful,” Tara says leaving a lingering sensual kiss on the full bow of her lips. </p><p>“I’m all sweaty,” Faith giggles, an unusual gesture on the dark and brooding girl but to Tara it’s everything. </p><p>“I like it,” she laughs, inhaling deeply from Faith, nuzzling into her neck, kissing at the skin closest to her hungry mouth. </p><p>“You’re crazy.” Faith smiles, hands gripping Tara’s hips, holding her tight. She reaches around grasping Tara’s ass, lifting her up. On instinct Tara wraps her legs around Faith’s waist, letting Faith hold her, carry her over to their bed and deposit her in the center. Soon she’s hovering over Tara, devouring her with her eyes. Tara feels on fire and Faith’s hardly even touched her yet. She lies between Tara’s spread legs, pressing into her, kissing her over and over. Tara’s going crazy from all the soft skin and firm contact. She wants all of Faith. Wants her now. They kiss for ages, touching anywhere and everywhere, panting and moaning. </p><p>“Faith, “ Tara groans, “please.”</p><p>“What is it?” Faith asks with a smirk, pulling away to look into Tara’s stormy blue eyes, seeing the need and want and lust pouring off of her. </p><p>“I need you,” Tara pants, desperately clinging to the girl on top of her, pinning her down so expertly to the mattress. Then Faith is sitting up, pulling away from her again, “Faith” Tara says, holding onto her, “wait.” The room is quiet and Faith’s eyes are closed, “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Faith is quick to reassure her.</p><p>“Um,” Tara starts entirely unsure how to ask what she wants to know. The silence grows heavy around them, “Not that I’m complaining,” she starts then stops again, “I’m just curious. You said-you said you thought about making love. I just want to know...why you’re holding back.”</p><p>Faith pulls further away. Rolling off her and laying beside her. “It’s...it’s complicated.”</p><p>“Try to explain,” Tara says, rolling over, hovering above the slayer, peering down at her. Faith’s eyes are closed, unable or unwilling to look at her. Faith doesn’t speak for a long while. </p><p>“It’s just…” she starts, “I like spending time with you,” She says sheepishly, “I like having your back. And when you have mine. And this,” she points between them, “it’s so much fun.”</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“I’m afraid.” Faith sounds embarrassed when she says it.</p><p>“Of?” Tara presses. </p><p>“If I start, I won’t be able to stop.” Faith’s voice is small. The raw honesty is almost palpable. </p><p>“Making love?” Tara questions trying to lighten the mood.</p><p>“Wanting you,” Faith answers in earnest. It makes Tara’s heart ache. </p><p>“What if I don’t want you to stop?”</p><p>Faith doesn’t answer, only leans in and captures Tara’s lips in a kiss that shatters her, makes her ache, ties her even more to Faith. </p><p>“I’m gonna shower,” Faith says, pulling away and looking deeply into Tara’s eyes. She’s not entirely sure what she’s thinking but the feelings coming off her in waves steal Tara’s breath away. She stands and heads to the bathroom. </p><p>“Faith,” Tara stops her, “I’m here. Whenever you’re ready.” Faith looks back and smiles before disappearing into the bathroom. </p><p>The next day Tara’s in the Summer’s home researching with Willow. They’re all alone in Willow’s room, pouring over endless esoteric volumes, hoping for some clue in the hopeless sea of questions. Tara’s too distracted to notice the shy glances Willow casts her way every few minutes. She doesn’t notice anything until Willow’s hand is on her shoulder pulling her away from the book in hand, from her futile search for answers. </p><p>“Tara,” Willow starts, voice all hesitant in a way Tara hasn’t heard in years. It reminds her of the nerdy girl she met back in college. “Can we talk?”</p><p>“S-sure,” Tara answers, entirely unsure but helpless to stop it. </p><p>“You’ve just...been through so much. And we’ve barely spoken about it.”</p><p>“There’s a lot going on,” Tara answers simply, not in the mood to be picked apart and laid bare. </p><p>“I’m worried,” Willow says, looking into Tara’s eyes, closer than she’s entirely comfortable with. “About you. About everything.” She sighs.</p><p>“I’m f-fine,” Tara stutters out, realizing this fresh hell of being confronted by her ex and unable to tell her how you can’t possibly protect this beautiful girl you’ve been sent back from the fucking dead to save who is your kinda, not girlfriend that won’t sleep with you. Instead, she says, “Don’t worry. When this is over we’ll talk.” She hopes Willow takes the bait, pauses the conversation for another day. </p><p>“I miss you,” Willow says, “I’m scared. And all I want to do is hold you and I can’t.” Her green eyes are growing watery, shining in the afternoon sun streaming through the open windows. Outside she can hear the potentials training. </p><p>“Will,” she answers tears falling from her eyes to land on her lap, “I c-can’t. I can’t think when the world’s falling apart like this. I can’t think about the rest of my life when it could all end so soon.” </p><p>“That’s my point though,” Willow insists, “can’t we figure it out later. Like you said before.” She inches closer, “Everything is so hard and I just need you.”</p><p>Tara has so many things she wants to say. That she made a mistake before, that she wants to be with Faith. Needs Faith. Then the sudden fear of revealing that soft, sweet bond could mean Faith might want to stop, might fear the ire of the friends she’s fought so long to come to terms with. </p><p>“Willow,” she tries again, “if you need comfort. I understand. And I think maybe try with Kennedy. She really cares about you. I just can’t right now.” Then she’s leaving, “I need some air.” She escapes the room feeling Willow’s hurt and disappointment. </p><p>She has nowhere to go and can’t stand the thought of being stuck indoors. Not when her thoughts are roiling and she feels so on the verge of exploding, feeling all her emotions swirling and surging inside her in a whole new way. She marches outside, past the houses, past the yard full of potentials being taught by Faith and Kennedy. </p><p>Faith sees her first, sees the unusual scowl, the teary eyes, even from the other end of the yard. She runs after Tara without hesitating. “Yo T-bear,” she calls, “Where ya stormin off to?” Faith fights to keep her voice casual, even as she trembles, already reaching out to touch Tara’s arm. Tara’s too fraught to see the care written on her face. </p><p>“For a walk,” she says pulling from Faith’s grasp. The only time she’s pulled away. As much as she always craves Faith’s touch, it’s embarrassingly too much right now. </p><p>“It’s not safe, T” she pleads trying again to stop her.</p><p>Tara softens at her pleas, at the look of fear in her dark eyes, suddenly feels the indescribable ways she cares about Faith. “I’m fine. I won’t go far.” she concedes. “I promise,” she whispers so only Faith can hear. Faith nods reluctantly, watches her leave. Kennedy approaches to stand by the slayer’s side. They lock eyes. Kennedy nods in an unspoken agreement. She follows after Tara, keeping her distance but always keeping the girl in sight. Kennedy’s quietly grateful for this moment. She’s been so curious about this mysterious blonde returned from the dead. Wonders why she keeps Willow hanging on, wonders about the secretive looks Faith and Tara exchange, wonders why her and Rona are the only ones who notice. She thinks Spike’s noticed too, from the peculiar smirks he gives when Faith and Tara disappear together. </p><p>Tara keeps walking aimlessly, her thoughts swirling like a tornado, too fast for her to latch onto, let alone sort. She’s not even sure which situation has her more fraught. Willow and her lingering feelings, Faith and all the feelings left unsaid, all the hidden moments trapped in their damned bedroom. Then there’s all the things beyond the scope of her love life. Her mission, whatever the hell that is, this ax they can’t seem to locate and the First who’s taken notice of her, bothering to notice a shy, stuttering witch with hardly any power that’s saddled with saving one of the strongest people on the planet. </p><p>Her thoughts swirl so fast and chaotic that she’s completely thrown off-kilter when the electric hum pulses through her, just beneath the skin making her blood run cold. She stops in her tracks, unable to move. She feels frozen in time though that’s impossible. All around her birds chirp, squirrels scurry. The world moves on and she’s stuck. When the feeling passes her mind is suddenly clear, her heart feels lighter. She can move again and without thinking she’s following an invisible path, twining around abandoned streets, turning down unfamiliar roads. She stops outside one of the many empty homes in Sunnydale. She walks up the driveway to the front door, finds it unlocked, and lets herself in.</p><p>There’s a layer of dust on all the furniture and fixtures inside. No one’s been home in a while. Along the walls, she sees the faint outline of where photo’s once hung. She hopes whoever these people are, that they’re safe and far far away from here. This Hellmouth she was stupid enough to call home, the Hellmouth that kept swallowing her up. She runs her fingertips along the dirty surfaces, envisioning the people who lived here. Wonders if their lives were normal. If they ever felt happy. </p><p>She hears a humming sound and looks up in time to catch a faint blue glow coming from a panel in the wall. She pries the panel loose revealing a cylinder, glowing blue and humming faint whisps of smoke clinging to it before curling up and evaporating. She reaches for the metal tube. It’s cold to the touch. Opening it she finds a yellowed piece of paper, very similar to the one she received before. She unfurls it to find ink neatly typed on it’s inside. </p><p>‘Meet Caleb at the Vineyard’</p><p>
  <em> What the fuck does that mean? </em>
</p><p>She scans the paper in bewilderment before tucking it away in her pocket. She puts the cylinder back, replacing the panel carefully. There’s another glow and hum then it stops. She pries the panel open an inch seeing the tube is gone. Like it never was there at all. The only proof is the strange message in her pocket. She closes her eyes, grounding herself when she hears a peculiar noise. She follows it blindly into this foreign house hoping it’s not a demon poised to kill her. </p><p>Kennedy’s followed Tara to this abandoned house. She waits outside unsure whether she should go in, reveal herself to Tara, or continue to stand watch, giving her space to sort out whatever it is she’s dealing with. She’s afraid confronting Tara means talking about Tara’s problems and she’s really not in the mood for that. She’s only here to do a favor for Faith, for Willow really who would be distraught if a Bringer got sweet, innocent, perfect Tara. She waits patiently but then it’s been too long and she forces herself up the stairs and into the house. It’s eerily quiet and sets Kennedy on edge. She goes room to room till she finds Tara huddled over something in the kitchen. </p><p>“Tara,” Kennedy calls, “What are you-”</p><p>Tara turns around, not terribly surprised to see her. Caught between her pale hands is a small grey kitten, purring and nuzzling contently into Tara’s chest. </p><p>“I sensed something,” Tara says holding up the small cat for Kennedy to investigate. The kitten nips at her fingertips and looks up at her with enormous eyes.</p><p></p><div>
  <p> </p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope anyone that's reading this is having a good day and if not I hope it gets better really soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Having Faith</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>things are heating up</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All the potentials are fawning over the kitten, arguing over names for the little ball of fluff while the Scoobies meet, yet again, about all the dead ends in finding the ax. Except now Tara has an answer, gifted to her from these mysterious benefactors. Except she has no idea how to lead them there, let them know Caleb’s there, and not blow her cover.  Because if Faith knew she’d send Tara packing. She finds it’s her greatest fear now. Losing Faith. </p><p>Tara circles and circles and eventually says, “The ax is embued with Slayer energy,” her voice cutting through stops everyone and draws their eyes. She doesn’t bother to feel embarrassed. “I know the energy signature. I can track it with a location spell. The only Slayer energy in town would be Faith, Buffy, and the weapon.”</p><p>Willow’s quick to interject, “The First is looking for this too, if he doesn’t have it already. You weren’t here Tara. When I tried to track it. The awful things it did.”</p><p>Now Faith’s on edge and cutting in, “Yeah, I ain’t doing any plan that lets the First do shit to us.” She says it to the room but she’s looking at Tara. What she means is she won’t have the First hurt Tara. Not for any reason. Not again. </p><p>“Please,” Tara says scanning the room, “I can do this. Just trust me.” The group is at a loss and running out of time they reluctantly agree. She finds a map of Sunnydale and goes to her room, Faith trailing close behind all the while. “What are you doing?” She asks the pensive brunette. </p><p>“I ain’t letting you deal with the First alone.”</p><p>“I need privacy to do the spell,” Tara says, trying to discourage her, needing the space to do what she has to. </p><p>“I’ll be right outside the door.”</p><p>Tara nods, giving up the fight. Secretly happy Faith will stay close. </p><p>Faith waits outside like some kind of sentinel. Her guardian, her dark angel. In their bedroom, she lays the map out on the floor and scans it end to end. She doesn’t remember there being a vineyard and she can’t exactly ask. In the northwestern part of town was a sprawling vineyard she’d never noticed before, nestled by trees on one side and strips of farmland on the other. </p><p>Tara stands and retrieves a small cauldron from under the cot she’s never used, fills it with herbs, and sets it beside the map. Before she continues she goes to the window opening it to let fresh air in. It cools her heated skin. She needs to be clearheaded for whatever comes next. Taking a seat on the floor beside the cauldron she fishes out a lighter and her current mission statement. She rolls it back into a small scroll, ignites the end with one of Faith’s lighters, watches it burn, grateful to be rid of this evidence. She hates lying. Especially to Faith, but she couldn’t imagine where to begin. ‘Hey, sweetie, I was sent back from the dead to take care of you.’ It couldn’t go over well. Not after all this time has passed. Not after they’ve grown so close. She’s already losing herself.</p><p>With a deep breath, she grounds herself and ignites the herbs in the cauldron, chanting her spell in Latin, feeling the words intent mingle with the warm prickly sensation of her magic combining and taking root, bringing her desire to reality. She investigates the map watching the cloud of smoke shimmer above it before turning into sharp pinpoints of light highlighting the magical energy in and around the vineyard. Buried deep in the center of the vineyard is a deep yellow pulsing light. The ax. Littered around the vineyard are clusters of red dots moving in measured routes, guarding something.  Near the ax is a murky cloud of inky black. She can only make a guess what it is. Caleb. She ends the spell, seeing enough. She stands, lifting the map, setting the cauldron aside on a nearby bookshelf. </p><p>She can feel Faith’s anxious energy coming through the door. Tara could use a moment but she won’t keep Faith waiting. She opens the door signaling she’s done. Faith comes in shutting the door behind her. </p><p>“I think I found it,” Tara says. Faith smiles at her, dimples peeking out on each cheek, making Tara’s heart race. Faith looks proud. </p><p>“I knew you would.” She says, still standing by the door. “Can I ask you stuff?”</p><p>Tara swallows. Of course. “What do you want to know?” There’s a million things Faith could ask and though the spell is done anxiety is still pouring off the slayer. </p><p>“What happened earlier? That got you all pissed.” Faith’s leaning back against the door now, feigning indifference. </p><p>“Oh,” Tara says, sitting on the edge of the bed thinking of what to say. Faith’s mask slips and she inches closer. “Um. Willow. She… she wanted to get back together.”</p><p>“Oh,” Faith answers, voice oddly neutral, “You know,” she sighs, not quite looking at Tara, “you could be with someone who really loves ya and instead you’re wasting your time on me.”</p><p>“Faith,” Tara says waiting for Faith to look her in the eyes, “I’m exactly where I want to be.” She stands, goes to hug Faith. Faith stops her with an outstretched hand. </p><p>“I don’t know how you can say that.” She looks away, eyes downcast, “I’m a bad person. Ain’t no good for anyone.”</p><p>“You’re the only one here that makes me feel safe. Like it matters that I came back. Even though I’m all fucked up.”</p><p>“You’re not fucked up, T.” Faith hesitantly meets her gaze. “You’re the best woman I know. I just… I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff. Like what I want.” </p><p>“And?” Tara asks hopeful and terrified. </p><p>“I want to be with you. Till the world ends.” Faith’s almost shaking as she says it.</p><p>“The world might not end,” Tara says closing the gap between them.</p><p>“That’d be lucky.” She smiles, but it's more sardonic than anything. “Tara,” she whispers, “what do you want from me?”</p><p>“I want to take care of you.” She steps into Faith, wrapping her arms around her lean body holding her close. She can feel tears on Faith’s cheeks. “You’re so important to me. And I don’t want to lose you.” It’s Tara’s turn to cry. Faith pulls back, brushing the tears away with gentle hands. She leans in and kisses Tara. It tastes like a promise. They go together back to the Summer’s house where the Scoobies are waiting. Tara wants to hold Faith’s hand, needs the courage. All she gets is a warm smile, the anxiety from earlier drained away and she realizes Faith is scared of losing her too. </p><p>Standing outside the Summer’s front door she stops Faith, leans in, and whispers, “You’re a good person, Faith. And you’re good for me.” Faith doesn’t hesitate and kisses her thoroughly before letting go.</p><p>“You ready to be badass monster hunters?” The question makes Tara laugh. </p><p>Tara walks the Scoobies through everything she can. Lays the map out on the dining room table, and they all huddle around as she shows them the vineyard, points out the ax, and the patrol of Bringers, shows them what she thinks is Caleb. </p><p>Faith watches on eagerly, ready to get the ax, ready to fight her way in and out no matter how many Bringers or Uber Vamps are there. Everyone was mixed up, talking over one another as they plotted and planned on a retrieval mission. Faith didn’t care till Tara was speaking up, cutting through the fervent din, telling them she could lead them around the Bringers and right to the ax. She could track it directly for them. Faith’s gut goes cold. The room falls silent, everyone seemingly tensing at the thought. Faith bit her lip fighting off a wave of anger at the thought of Tara in danger. </p><p>“It’s the fastest, safest way to do this,” Tara says. Buffy steps up, agreeing with a steely gaze. Faith feels sick to her stomach. They need the weapon too badly, before Caleb and the First can use it against them. They decide to go tonight. No time to waste. For the first time in Faith’s life, she’s too scared to argue. </p><p>In the few hours before their insane mission Faith and Tara stay in their bedroom. It’s quiet despite all the ways Faith wants to protest, wants to make Tara stay home, stay out of this fight. Instead, they kiss and she tries to convey the feelings she doesn’t understand through every caress. They fall asleep, Tara spooned tight against Faith’s back, arm wrapped around her waist, warm breath tickling across her neck. In this moment Faith feels safe, no matter what comes next, at least she has this moment with Tara. Her sweet, beautiful, kind Tara. She bites back the thought. Tara’s too good to be hers. But it feels so nice right now. </p><p>In the woods, they huddle together, everyone in their places ready to storm on this isolated vineyard. Tara’s scared and desperately trying to hide it. She keeps close to Faith near the front of their ragtag group of fighters. The proximity soothes her and she can’t tell of being close is for her benefit or Faith’s, who feels just as anxious when her energy brushes into Tara’s. Faith’s face is all business though, everything she feels she hides, masks it with indifference, or anger. Tonight her Faith is stoic. </p><p>“I don’t see anyone,” Faith whispers, voice painfully loud in the quiet of the forest. Moonlight illuminates Faith’s face, the shadows of tree branches criss cross her in patterns. </p><p>“My slayer senses are still tingling.” Buffy answers, “Tara, can you feel the ax?”</p><p>Tara nods. “It’s low. In the ground. Probably the cellar.”</p><p>Faith and Buffy look at each other, seeing so much more than Tara can in the dark. Buffy gives a signal to Xander who signals the select group of potentials with them. As a team they move in closer. Faith doesn’t bother with pretense and takes Tara by the hand, squeezing it briefly. </p><p>“Stay close to me.” Faith’s jaw tenses then she’s releasing Tara’s hand. </p><p>“The blueprints Willow found said there’s a door to the cellar to the east.” Buffy points, “I’ll go first and signal.” Buffy scurries in the dark, a blurry shadow and soon she’s at the cellar door. The coast is clear and she’s waving everyone over. When they’re close Buffy pries the door open. It’s dark inside but not pitch black, it’s eerily quiet and no one’s around. Not human or Bringer, vampire, Caleb. </p><p>As a group, they inch further in. Weapons at the ready, eyes peeled. Tara stops in her stride, that cold sensation seizes her, freezes her in place. The world is a small pinprick then rapidly expanding back out. Faith is staring at her strangely, the worry so much stronger. But that invisible thread is pulling her and Tara forgets the group, pushes forward and walks the maze of barrels stacked one on another till they reach another stairwell. Faith is still at her side. No one speaks as they follow, unsure what to think. </p><p>“Do you feel it?” Tara whispers to Faith.</p><p>“Yeah,” she says, confused and strangely energized. Tara continues on her path till they find a small excavation in the clay-like earth. Stuck in its pedestal of dirt and stone is a peculiar ax, a stake pointing out of it its handle and a spear on its tip. </p><p>Their group has fanned out to keep guard behind them. Tara nods to Faith encouraging her to take the ax. Faith approaches it slowly, fingers curling around the long handle. She grips tight and tugs. The first tug is fruitless. She tries again when a shout rings out from above. The sounds of fighting start. </p><p>“Shit!” Faith tugs more furiously at the ax feeling it start to give. Buffy’s fighting at the top of the stairwell stopping anyone from coming down. </p><p>From the shadows, Caleb appears behind Faith. Tara panics. She summons a ball of crackling blue electricity and throws it at Caleb, hitting him squarely in the chest. He’s thrown backward colliding with a wall. He’s fast though and rebounding quickly. Before Tara can make another move he’s in front of her, his fist connecting soundly with her sternum. There’s a horrifying crunch as something solid in her gives and then she’s flying, crashing into a stone wall, feeling it crumble all around her. Her body thuds to the floor and huge chunks of stone come tumbling after her, landing on her, crushing in their weight against her head and back. </p><p>The pain is absolutely searing, rushing through every nerve in her body. She can’t move. Can scarcely breathe. Her ears are ringing and over the pulsing shriek, she hears Faith screaming. Her eyes focus just enough to see Faith, ax in hand, swinging it in a high arch till it’s colliding with Caleb’s skull. Tara blinks against the pain feeling nauseous and on the verge of passing out. When she opens them again Faith and Buffy are panicked and digging the rubble off of Tara. </p><p>Faith’s never been so frightened in her life. There’s still the sound of fighting upstairs but all Faith can manage to see is Tara’s crumpled body under all those heavy rocks. Buffy’s beside her digging just as frantically. Faith’s never felt so thankful for her sister slayer. Soon Tara’s free from all the rubble pinning her down. Faith’s heart is pounding painfully in her chest. She reaches a shaky hand to Tara’s neck. Her pulse is steady under Faith’s fingertips. She sighs and quickly investigates Tara. She’s definitely broken bones. </p><p>“Get her out of here, Faith,” Buffy is barking orders, already standing and heading back up the stairs, using the ax to kill anything in their way. </p><p>Faith lifts Tara as delicately as she can, cradling her to her body. She hates that she’s probably making matters worse, hurting Tara more, but she can’t help that. They gotta get out of here. She bounds up the stairs, feeling the faint beating of Tara’s heart with her slayer senses. </p><p>It’s chaos in the cellar, but they’re winning this battle. Not without casualties. Faith doesn’t have time to stop and count the injured, maybe dead. She runs out the cellar and away from the vineyard as fast as she can, potentials and Scoobies chasing after her as they make their escape. </p><p>All Faith can think about is Tara as they make their retreat. Parked far off the road are the cars they came in. Faith pries the back door open while Kennedy jumps in the front seat. She slides in carefully with Tara draped across her lap. Xander is tossed into the passenger, his face is ashen and when he turns just enough Faith can see blood spilling from where his eye used to be. Faith clenches her jaw, keeping anger and tears at bay. The car is starting and they’re pulling onto the road in a hurry, the other cars follow them, their headlights cutting a path in the darkness. She looks down at Tara’s head nestled in her lap, her breathing steady, heartbeat strong. She carefully strokes Tara’s cheek. </p><p>“Please be okay,” she whispers. The trip feels like a small infinity but soon they’re pulling up on Revello Drive and outside their makeshift compound. She carefully slides Tara into her lap and carries her inside barking at potentials, “Get some fucking help!” Faith rests Tara’s broken body on the sofa and kneels beside her, “C’mon Tara, get up. You’re gonna be okay.” Tears are leaking from her eyes uncontrollably, falling onto Tara’s bruised and battered face. Faith entwines their fingers, begging the universe, the powers that be, Tara, “Please be okay. Just get up. If you wake up you can heal yourself. You can use whatever you want from me, just get up and take it.” She’s pleading now, “Tara, please. I know you can do it. I’ve seen you. Please. Please.”</p><p>She doesn’t hear Willow and Dawn come behind her already reaching for Tara when Faith feels something reach out and engulf her. It’s warm and feels like Tara. Then it’s pulling, creating a chord of energy between Faith and Tara. It’s sucking all the energy from her making her weak, but she can see Tara’s worst wounds slowly healing. The world starts to spin but Faith doesn’t care. She can feel herself buckling, collapsing on the ground, spots swimming in and out of her vision. She fights hard and is able to barely cling onto consciousness. Tara’s still out, but the bleedings stopped. Her heartbeat is stronger, her breathing even. Faith touches her sternum, feeling the bones as they should be, no longer collapsed in and jagged. Faith breathes deeply and runs out the room, into the backyard gulping in cold air, letting it cool her sweaty heated skin. She scrubs furiously at the tears, collapsing on the stairs. Through her haze, she hears the faint creak of the back door opening and closing. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Dawn asks, cautiously approaching Faith. </p><p>“Shouldn’t you be asking T that?” Faith sniffles. Dawn inches closer catching tear tracks in the moonlight etched onto Faith’s face. Dawn seems at a loss. She’s never seen Faith this way. </p><p>“Willow’s with her. Whatever you did it worked.” Dawn sits beside Faith, conspicuously not looking at her, affording her this small privacy. “Faith, what’s going on?”</p><p>“I think I’m in love with Tara.” Faith cradles her head in her hands, relief beginning to wash over her, knowing Tara is safe again. </p><p>“Kinda figured,” Dawn whispers, “You’re not good at hiding things.” They sit in silence, watching the stars above, the palm trees swaying in the gentle breeze. Faith feels a small tug, then warm tingling across her chest that blooms outward leaving goosebumps in its wake. Her nose fills with the faint smell of cinnamon sugar and wildflowers and summer heat. Tara. The sensation grows stronger then the door is groaning as it opens, Tara’s shadow cuts across them as they sit still on the wooden stairs. </p><p>“Faith,” Tara says, voice soft. It makes Faith’s heartthrob. Dawn gets up, walking back up the stairs and hugging Tara before she slips back inside. Faith turns to Tara, hoping she can’t see the red in her eyes or the tear stains. “I can feel you,” Tara sighs. It sounds happy. “Can you feel me?” Faith nods. She shuts her eyes feeling waves of happiness and caring and things she’s still too scared to name. “I’m tired,” Tara says. Faith stands and goes to Tara, following her silently up to their room. </p><p>In their quiet, darkened room Tara goes to lay down, not bothering with light switches and blankets. Faith stops her with a gentle hand, grasping Tara’s forearm. It’s sticky with dried blood and grime. </p><p>“We should get ya cleaned up.” Faith’s brow pinches. </p><p>“Okay.” Tara nods letting Faith lead her into the bathroom. Tara takes her hand, interlacing their fingers, desperately needing to touch her. Faith flicks the light switch flooding the room with too bright light. She shuts the door and goes to the shower turning the nobs till water starts pouring from the showerhead. She turns back to Tara and feels waves of nerves hit her. </p><p>“I’ll go.” Faith starts to leave, but now Tara’s stopping her. Her eyes are wide and urgent.</p><p>“Stay,” she whimpers. The thought of being apart unbearable. “I just haven’t b-been...naked in front of you.” Tara can sense Faith’s own nerves but it’s muted, cut with worry and sadness, relief, hope, and then the lush and vibrant touch of arousal. Faith takes Tara into her arms kissing her softly, like she’s fragile and precious. Faith’s tongue swirls in her mouth making Tara’s knees weak. She grasps onto her hips for support. When she pulls away she feels braver. She clutches the cotton of her shirt and pulls it over her head. </p><p>Faith whimpers when she sees Tara’s exposed chest. Tara is blushing from the tops of her breasts all the way to her hair. Faith rips her own shirt off, baring herself to Tara’s gaze. </p><p>“Fair is fair.” She smiles warmly at Tara, watching her toe her shoes off, slowly unbuttoning her jeans, eyes never leaving Faith. Faith mirrors her motions, eyes hungrily devouring each newly exposed piece of skin. She tries to decipher everything pouring through this strange magic bond but it all swirls together into an indescribable blur. Soon they’re both completely naked and drifting closer together, the inches between them disappearing till Faith is wrapping Tara into her arms. Tara presses into her, resting her head against Faith’s shoulder. A hot ache races across her body as she feels Faith’s skin against her’s nothing coming between them for the first time. Tara shuts her eyes wanting to melt into the girl wrapped around her, “C’mon hot stuff. Let’s get in.”</p><p>Faith guides them into the shower stall, the hot sting of water beats down against Tara, washing away blood and sweat and dirt. Faith grabs a washcloth and soap. She moves slowly, silently asking for permission to touch Tara. Tara’s only answer is to hold her face and kiss her fiercly, feeling that growing need to devour Faith. They kiss endlessly till Faith pulls away and begins to wash Tara, running the cloth against her oversensitive skin. Faith is reverent, worshipping every inch of Tara with gentle caresses. Her eyes raking over Tara, taking in every part of her. Tara feels magic hum in the touch. Faith kneels before her delicately washing her feet and legs, hands tracing upwards, inching achingly close to Tara’s center. She stands seemingly satisfied. Tara plucks the washcloth from Faith’s fingers, rinsing it out and adding more soap. She guides Faith under the spray and begins her own act of worship, reverently touching and cleaning Faith, teasing Faith and herself as her hands skirt around all of Faith’s most sensitive places. She could tell Faith didn’t mind by the soft sighs and moans she released as Tara worked over her, lightly massaging each muscle as she passes. Setting the rag aside she tipped Faith’s head under the stream of water, wetting the lush brown hair till it matted and stuck to Faith’s face. She took the shampoo bottle, squirting some out and working a rich lather into her locks. Faith’s moan was louder at the touch and through her link Tara felt a wanton wave of pleasure. She smiled, biting her lip as she continued. She lingered as long as she could but soon Faith was clean, hair and all and the water was turning colder by the second. Faith held her tight, kissing her over and over, hands running unabashedly along curves, touching all of Tara’s most intimate places. The cold water started to sting, freezing the fever pitch they were working to. Tara shut off the valves and led Faith from the stall. </p><p>They took turns drying one another off. The world was still and quiet, with no words exchanging between them. Each moving on instinct, the link between them growing stronger. Magic swelled all around them making Tara’s head fuzzy like the night she’d drank too much wine with Faith, giggling and flush like a schoolgirl sneaking illicit drinks with a friend. They stumbled into the bedroom, hands fondling one another, kissing passionately. Tara bit onto Faith’s lip causing a sharp moan before Faith grasped her ass and lifted her, forcing Tara’s legs around her waist, Tara’s center pressing firm against Faith’s taut stomach. Tara couldn’t resist subtly rolling her hips, grinding herself against the firm flesh leaving a trail of arousal behind. She could see Faith’s pupils dilate with desire. Before she could repeat the move she was falling backward onto the bed. Faith hovered above her. A familiar position made brand new again. Tara’s skin was humming with pleasure and joy and magic. But then Faith was pulling away, rolling off of her. </p><p>Faith lay beside Tara facing her, taking in her profile as her hand idly traced along Tara’s hairline, her cheek to her jaw, down to her collarbone moving in maddening sweeps. Tara shifted to face her. They lay together, looking into each other’s eyes, breast to breast, hip to hip. </p><p>“It’s so weird,” Faith starts, “I can feel you like you’re in me.”</p><p>“What do you feel?” Tara asks, warm breath ghosting across the full bow of Faith’s lips. She reached out resting the palm of her hand over Faith’s heart. Faith closes her eyes and mirrors the movement, feeling the steady rhythm under her palm. </p><p>“What you feel…” Faith squeezes her eyes shut tighter. “Turned on” She gives that mischievous sexy laugh that makes Tara’s heart race and her core throb. Faith gasps then grins. “Um, happiness, nerves,” then Faith pauses biting her lip and struggling with the next part, “love. Your love for me.” Tara kisses her, wanting to devour every part of her. When she pulls away Faith opens her eyes, warm chocolate brown meeting steely blue. “What do you feel?”</p><p>“Everything,” Tara says, “Arousal” she smiles, “joy, fear, care.” Tara takes a lock of hair behind Faith’s ear, “love. Faith will you make love with me?”</p><p>Faith doesn’t hesitate. She’s kissing Tara fiercely, lips nipping and biting. Tara’s clutching onto her pulling her impossibly closer, wanting to sink into Faith. They roll around on their bed all lips and teeth and roaming hands till somehow Tara lands on top, straddling Faith’s hips, pressed so tight against her she can feel every subtle movement of Faith’s pelvis as she thrusts up, making Tara’s center slide against her. Faith groans and wraps strong hands around Tara’s hips, moving her back and forth starting a slow grind. Tara’s clit slides against the hot skin of Faith's stomach and she moans louder than she anticipated. She runs her hands along Faith’s neck and collarbone down her chest, cupping each breast in her hands feeling the weight of them. She teases at the taut nipples with her thumbs and Faith arches up into her. Tara leans over kissing those soft lips again, nipping at them before ghosting over Faith’s chin and jaw, mixing kisses and bites as she works her way down’s body, methodically kissing and tasting every inch of her, getting lost in worshipping her strong, beautiful body, letting the magic pulsate and swell, encapsulating them in the small world of their own design. </p><p>She continued down Faith’s body, across the swell of her hips and her stomach listening intently to the breathy sighs and moans she made. Faith lifted up on one arm to watch Tara, thrusting her hips against her warm mouth. Tara kisses the top of her mound, feeling Faith’s excited anticipation before bypassing her center and kissing the tops of both thighs. Faith groans and falls backward shutting her eyes tight against the sensations. Tara continues her endeavor, spreading Faith’s legs wider and kissing the inside of her thighs, moving down till she reached her calves, then her feet. Faith laughs and tugs away at the sensation. </p><p>“Roll over, love” Tara says, guiding Faith to turn with a hand on one hip. Faith raises an eyebrow but moves how Tara wants without question. With so much new skin exposed Tara eagerly begins her journey back up, kissing and biting the back of Faith’s legs, leaving bruising bites along her thighs and the firm swell of her ass. Faith moans, thrusting back into Tara’s mouth. </p><p>“You’re making me crazy,” Faith sighs. Tara can feel it, can feel the racing, breathless desire burning through Faith laced with so much love it makes Tara’s heart full. </p><p>“Patience,” she whispers biting Faith’s ass again and smiling. She works up along Faith’s back, feeling the hard muscles move under Faith’s soft skin. She’s wanted to do this for so long. Tara can feel the tight coil of arousal all around her, she fights the urge to grind against Faith’s thigh and ass as she kisses along sharp shoulder blades and moves Faith’s hair aside kissing the back of her neck, infusing the connection with every ounce of love she has for Faith. Tara guides her back around and they're face to face. Faith’s eyes are glassy with unshed tears. “It’s okay, my love. I’m right here.” </p><p>Tara kisses down Faith’s body, in a direct line stopping at Faith’s full breasts, licking across the stiff peaks of her nipples and sucking each in turn, feeling Faith buck under her, grinding her center against Tara’s stomach, spreading her wetness across Tara. She can smell Faith’s arousal all around her, delicious and intoxicating. She continues down till she’s laying between Faith’s spread legs. </p><p>She takes Faith’s hand, entwining their fingers. She feels love and lust surge through Faith directly into her and licks into Faith, spreading her lips, tasting her for the first time. It makes Tara’s nipples harder and her pussy throb. Faith clutches Tara’s head with her free hand pulling Tara desperately into her. Tara guides her legs over her shoulders, feeling Faith’s strong thighs rub against her face as she kisses and licks into Faith’s center, pressing her tongue deep into Faith only to retreat and lick up to her clit teasing it with the tip of her tongue before circling back to lick deep into Faith once more. It’s not long before Faith is flooding her mouth, exploding when Tara takes Faith’s clit between her lips and sucks, teasing it with her tongue all the while. Faith is gasping and moaning, grinding fiercely into Tara, saying her name over and over like it’s a prayer. </p><p>Faith tugs on Tara pulling her up enough to kiss her lips, licking off the excess cum from her chin. She flips Tara onto the bed and Tara can’t help but giggle, loving the sight of Faith’s broad smile and incredible dimples. Faith kisses her everywhere, overwhelming her senses as she catches all of her sensitive spots between lips and teeth. Faith dips low between Tara’s legs, seeing her for the first time and gasps. </p><p>“You’re so beautiful,” she sighs spreading Tara’s outer lips with her fingers and licks through her with her tongue, catching the hood of Tara’s clit and nudging it till she’s sucking on Tara’s hard nub, making Tara sob with pleasure. It’s not enough. She needs more of Faith. She tugs gently on Faith’s hair getting her attention. </p><p>“Come here” she begs. Faith nods, climbing up and settling above Tara, slotting her hips between Tara’s thighs. Tara pulls her down, catching her lips, pressing Faith flush against her, their breasts pressing tightly together. Tara feels like she’s melting into her. “I need you,” she gasps between kisses, “inside me.” </p><p>Faith groans and snakes her arm between their bodies. Her fingertips caress Tara’s lips, tracing over her, coating her fingers in Tara’s wetness. She slowly dips two fingers into Tara. Tara moans at the sensation of Faith stretching her, filling her so nicely. Faith begins a steady pace, in and out, loving the feel of Tara wrapped around her. Tara rocks up into Faith’s hand, her clit brushing against the palm of her hand making her twitch and gasp into Faith’s mouth. She wraps her legs around Faith’s hips, her fingernails are digging into Faith’s back and she worries she might be hurting Faith but she can’t seem to stop and Faith only moans and thrusts harder, curving her fingers to hit against Tara’s front wall, making her see sparks behind her eyes. Magic is swelling all around them and Tara feels the first flushes of her orgasm burst and bloom, spreading like wildfire over her entire body. </p><p>Faith eases her down with gentle kisses across her face. “Mine,” she whispers.</p><p>“Yours,” Tara agrees, still clinging desperately to Faith’s sweaty body. “Always.”</p><p>“Always,” Faith says kissing Tara once more before nuzzling into her neck. </p><p>They fall asleep still naked and entwined only to wake in the early morning hours to make love again, lying side by side, thrusting deeply into one another, tongues and lips meshing together as they gasp and strain, peaking together, eyes locked as they come undone. </p><p>When the sun rises and they've finally settled Tara breaks the silence they’re blanketed in. “When this is over we’ll go anywhere you want, Faith. Just you and me.” </p><p>Faith laughs and kisses her sweetly, “I’ll have to think up a place.” but all Faith can think is ‘Away from here’. </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Apokalypsis</h2></a>
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    <p>It’s ten days before Willow realizes a spell they can use to awaken all the potentials into active slayers. In that time Giles has found a means to seal the Hellmouth using a peculiar amulet in Spike’s possession. Being in the same room with the amulet makes Tara queasy, makes her head buzz and tingle, pressure expanding in her skull that makes her fear another seizure. The magic coming from it is so strong but no one else seems to truly notice and Tara can’t make the words leave her mouth. They need it and if it closes the Hellmouth, stops the First’s source of power then it doesn’t matter how it terrifies her. She keeps far from it. Faith just assumes it’s the end of the world scaring her so bad. </p><p>The last ten days have been quiet. That scares Faith. Tara knows it without asking. Knows Faith stays up late wondering about all the things the First could be preparing for the end. Their final fight. Whatever that might be. They make love every chance they get. Faith was right. Once the floodgates opened. Tara can’t complain about that. Far from it. Each private moment, whispered conversation, stolen kiss, shattering orgasm grows their bond till Tara can feel the warm fuzzy glow of Faith’s love all the time. No matter what. They get lost in each other. Faith tells her its never been like this before. It makes Tara want to cry. Instead, she kisses Faith. Tries to show her how much she loves her in each caress. They take shelter in one another. Forgetting the world in little pockets. It makes everything easier. Tara tries not to think about after. Scared of what could happen once this is all over. If they won would Faith stay? Would she still love her when the world is no longer ending? She doesn’t know if Faith thought about it. She’s too scared to ask. It doesn’t matter. They have to survive first. And Tara’s mission statement never said Tara would survive this. Her job is to protect Faith. No matter what. So that’s what she’ll do. </p><p>Once the plan is set they start to part ways, ready to contemplate the tomorrow that might be their end. Tara speaks up. She makes one request. For everyone to have one final dinner together. All drama aside. She swears she sees Faith’s eyes twinkle from across the room when she says it. They borrow Giles’ car and Faith drives her three towns over to an open restaurant where they’ve ordered a feast. The potentials are left to lay out tables and plates till they return. Faith holds her hand on the drive. Tara can’t help but rest her head on Faith’s shoulder, even if it’s kind of awkward. They talk about anything and everything but what tomorrow holds. Tara tells her about the things she can’t wait to do after. Not the big things like maybe finish college or find a new town to call home. She tells her little things; go to Disneyland, go swimming, camp in the woods, make love to Faith. Faith mostly jokes and flirts relentlessly with Tara making her grin till her cheeks ache. </p><p>Faith’s flirting gets heavier the further they go and when Tara turns into her, kissing the soft spot where her neck meets her collar Faith flushes and pulls the car over. She finds a truck stop that’s somehow abandoned and turns to Tara, tangling strong fingers in her hair. She pulls Tara close, kissing her fiercely like she’s trying to possess all of Tara. Like she wants to press Tara so close she becomes a part of her body. Tara doesn’t object. </p><p>The sex is hot and frantic and over before its really begun. She’s wrapped around Faith in every way she can be. Faith’s fingers are still inside her, her jeans are tangled around her knees and she’s trying desperately to catch her breath. Faith’s watching her, that awestruck look in her eyes. Faith’s pants are caught around one ankle, she’s straddling Tara’s bare thigh, still grinding slowly against her. Tara grabs her ass and makes her pick up her pace, sliding her hard clit along her thigh, making Faith cum against her again. She feels marked by Faith like this. Like Faith is claiming her as her own. She likes the thought. </p><p>They clean up quickly, pulling their awkward disheveled clothes back into place. They’re caught in that bubble the rest of the trip, singing along to the radio and touching everywhere they can. It’s the first time Faith hears Tara sing. She gets that distant smile on her face that Tara never understood before. This time Tara feels Faith’s love grow, making her skin tingle, making her chest warm like she’s just swallowed whiskey. It burns and softens the world around her. </p><p>The road trip ends too soon. They’re back at their compound as the sun is setting in a magnificent wash of pink and purple hues. The potentials come streaming out the front door taking boxes of food from the car that’s near overflowing with it. Enough to feed their small army. Tara and Faith follow the girls in. Tara tries to keep up with the excited chattering as they lead them to the backyard. Tables and chairs litter the yard that’s gently glowing under strings of Christmas lights wrapped around everything the potentials could manage. Torches and candles cast a welcome orange flicker around the tables, only growing brighter as the sun makes its final descent below the horizon. The stars begin to peek out as food is laid out on every table. The yard grows full with people and conversation and someone finds a radio, turning it as loud as it goes, filling the gaps with strains of music. </p><p>Faith sits beside Tara at a table on the far end of the yard with the rest of the Scoobies. Faith touches Tara under the table in every subtle way she can. Touches her hand, playing with each finger in turn, touches her hip, her thigh, tangles a leg around Tara’s. Tara’s flush the whole night. She doesn’t think anyone notices, doesn’t notice Willow watching her from the patio, a small frown marring her delicate features. When Tara chances a look up, she sees Kennedy approach Willow. She touches Willow’s shoulder and Willow turns away. Something passes between the two before they disappear inside together. Before Tara can figure out how to feel about it, Faith is leaning into her, and she’s asking for a dance. Tara looks at her confused. Faith tilts her head towards the makeshift dance floor that’s formed in the center. Tables and chairs all haphazardly pushed to one side making room. Tara looks back to Faith’s warm chocolate eyes, she smiles wide, dimples in full effect, making Tara’s heart fill to bursting. Faith bites her lip, extends her hand. Tara takes it letting Faith lead her to the floor. Tara’s never been a good dancer, she’s always felt too clunky and awkward in her own skin for that. With Faith, she forgets. Her movements feel natural with Faith pressed against her. They move with ease, the music carrying them along, becoming just another way they communicate. Soon the teasing touches and grinding isn’t enough. Faith catches her eyes and she knows. They slip away for the night without saying bye, while everyone is still too busy to notice. </p><p>The door's barely closed before Faith’s all over her, lifting Tara into her arms, pressing her into the wall. Tara wraps her legs around Faith, anchoring herself to her. Faith’s lips are everywhere making Tara helpless. Faith seems content to fuck her senseless against the wall but Tara needs something else, needs Faith naked, needs skin against skin, nothing between them. She whimpers and begs and finally, Faith relents, carrying Tara to the bed and dropping her, stripping her out of her clothes before Tara can think to assist her efforts. With a shaky hand Tara stops Faith just as she’s finished pulling her pants and underwear off.</p><p>“Faith?” she asks, stopping Faith cold, “Are you okay?”</p><p>Faith nods, looking distant a moment, “I need you,” she whispers dropping to her knees, Tara kisses her lips, feeling Faith’s hands caressing her naked thighs, spreading her legs inch by inch. Tara breaks off the kiss long enough to pull Faith’s shirt off, tossing it aside. Faith is back on her quickly, kissing across her breasts, her hot tongue swiping playfully against Tara’s hard nipples in turn. She moves down till she’s kissing Tara’s stomach and hips, leaving a burning trail to Tara’s center, licking into her, parting swollen lips and tasting Tara’s wetness. Faith seems almost frantic as she fervently works Tara’s center with her lips and tongue, brings Tara quickly to the edge and over, again and again till Tara’s scared she’ll pass out. Then Faith’s wrapping Tara in her arms lifting her and shifting the blankets till Tara’s underneath. In the dark room Tara watches her strip her remaining clothes off, slipping in beside Tara so close there are no gaps between them. It might be their last night on Earth and they don’t spend it sleeping. </p><p>The next morning when they arrive at Sunnydale High Tara is too nervous to feel tired. The mix of fear and adrenaline make the guilt go away. The whole steady march to the mouth of hell all Tara could think about were Faith’s soft words to her in the early morning twilight. </p><p>‘I know I ain’t talking you out of going. But I need you to promise me...promise me when things go sideways you’ll stay outta trouble, keep with Red. Don’t go jumping into a fight you can’t win.’</p><p>Even then Tara had wanted to argue but the unshed tears in Faith’s eyes stopped her. She agreed knowing it was a lie. Figuring one more couldn’t hurt if it meant protecting Faith. They were going into this expecting the First to fight back. And Faith would be on the frontlines the entire way. And where Faith went Tara would follow. So Tara followed. All the way to the Hellmouth’s door and into Robin Wood’s office, directly above their target, carefully inscribing a circle for her and Willow to begin their spell. Kennedy guards the door while the rest of their ragtag army spread out. Buffy and Faith guide the potentials underground, to the cavernous underbelly of the high school, ready to fight whatever the First could throw at them.</p><p>With the circle prepared and the ax carefully arranged at its center, Tara and Willow took their places sitting across from one another. Willow’s eyes met Tara’s silently asking if Tara was ready. Tara nods and they begin. Their chant starts quiet, growing in cadence as the energy swirls all around them, coalescing into this tangible force penetrating through and in and around Tara and Willow and the ax, swelling till Tara thinks she might collapse from the intensity. She feels the raw force of the magic overtake her, flooding all her senses, connecting deeply to that part of her tied to Faith before it bubbles out, engulfing the ax in it’s pulsating energy. The magic seems to tie into the ax, pulling on that slayer power till it’s taken enough and explodes outwards. Tara opens her eyes in time to see Willow’s hair turn stark white with the sheer power, then a shimmering stream of power lance through Kennedy. Kennedy’s aura seems to shine brighter and brighter till the magic dissipates. And like that, the spell is done. Kennedy and so many more are Slayers now. Willow hands the ax to Kennedy, tells her get it to Buffy. Kennedy is gone like a shot, out the door and into the fray. As one, Willow and Tara collapse onto the floor, spent from the ineffable exertion. </p><p>Tara can’t be sure how long they laid like that, she just clung to that floor, covered in dust and sweat, trying to regain some semblance of composure. When she caught her breath, her heart rate finally settling she made an attempt at sitting up. Planting both hands on the ground she pushed up, feeling her muscles shake with the effort. Before she could get up she felt that odd cold, frozen sensation cut through her, making the world stop. It was more powerful this time, seizing her in fierce pulses that felt like electricity cutting through her entire nervous system. It wasn’t passing like before. She fought against it, fighting for breath, feeling herself on the brink of convulsions. She slammed her eyes shut trying desperately to ground herself. The burning electricity fell to the background, a faint buzz etched in her veins, coursing through her. She opened her eyes, blinking away dancing spots till her vision cleared. She saw Willow struggling to sit up, face pinched in panicked worry. </p><p>“Tara,” she gasped, “You’re glowing.”</p><p>Tara couldn’t speak. A whole new sensation pierced into her, making her sway. Faith. Something was wrong with Faith. She had to get to her. She forced herself to stand, stumbling as she left the office, Willow calling for her to stay. She wasn’t sure where to go, her brain felt too sluggish to think. She felt another crackling lightning storm of energy pulsate through her. The palm of her hand felt hot like fire and when she looked she saw a surging ball of blue energy ripple and expand till it tore a small portal open. On impulse, she stumbled through the portal. Everything in her felt like it exploded and cemented back together in an instant. She landed on the other side beside a badly bleeding Faith, ax clutched in one hand and two Turok Han hovering over her. Tara dove onto Faith, clutching her close in both arms. Tara’s hands began to glow again, a shimmering blue portal forming just in time for Tara and Faith to fall through. Faith blinked against the bright flashes, her face pale and sickly from the sensation. Her eyes blurred in and out of focus till she could make out Tara. They landed next to Spike who was fighting off a pair of demons, the amulet clutched tightly in one hand. One of the demons lunges at Spike throwing him off balance. The amulet goes skidding across the earthen floor and Tara dives for it, releasing her firm grasp on Faith. Faith, even injured, is a consummate warrior and without hesitation leaps into the fight, swiftly beheading one demon, buying enough time for Spike to recover. Tara scarcely notices the fight, only the results. Touching the amulet for the first time sends the electric feeling into hyperdrive. Energy is crackling all around her and her body feels lighter. When the second demon is dead Tara sees two sets of eyes boring into her. Faith and Spike watch on in shock. Bounding forward Tara takes Faith’s hand. </p><p>“We need to get to the Hellmouth. Now,” Tara says. Faith looks scared, uncertain. Through the link, Tara feels trust. </p><p>“S’that way,” Spike interrupts pointing across the large cave, across the sea of girls fighting against vampires and demons. Tara hadn’t realized there were so many. “Want to do your whole sparkly bit to get us over there Glinda?”</p><p>“I-I don’t know how,” Tara admits.</p><p>“Okay,” Faith says, gripping the ax tighter in one hand, the other still in Tara’s, “I guess we’re doing this the old fashioned way.”</p><p>“I can create a field. It won’t stop direct attacks,” Tara says, meeting Faith’s gaze, “b-but it’ll slow them enough.”</p><p>Faith nods leading the charge, Spike falling in behind Tara creating lines of defense to protect her. Tara summons all her magic, still feeling the lightning race across her in almost painful waves. She doesn’t even have to recite her spell aloud before a bubble is rapidly expanding, enveloping the trio in its safety. Spike looks to Tara with a raised eyebrow but says nothing. </p><p>Together they work across the battlefield. Faith clearing a path ahead, Spike defending from behind and Tara at the core, maintaining their shield and trying desperately not to vomit. They gain ground, inching closer to the seal that’s cracked down the middle, allowing all that evil to seep into the world. As they get closer they draw attention, the bad kind, and Turok Han begin to surround them. Tara pumps everything she can into the spell, slowing the Uber Vamps to a crawl, buying just enough time for Faith and Spike to make quick work of them.</p><p>“Almost unfair with you working the mojo like that,” Faith laughs as she does away with the last vampire. </p><p>In one last breathless push, they get to the Hellmouth where Giles is working a spell, Buffy looming close, guarding him while they wait for Spike and the amulet. When Tara sees the seal for the first time she feels cold. The evil pouring out sets her skin on fire but she’s already caught in that frozen feeling, the electricity arcing through her grows stronger. She shuts her eyes and suddenly remembers a conversation months ago, in an office with a strange little boy back when she was still dead.</p><p>“Miss Maclay,” he says, eyes big and earnest, far too serious for a child so small, “there’s something else you need to do.” He stands before her and gently touches her shoulder. “Your friends. They’re going to try to close the Hellmouth. You need to stop them.”</p><p>“What?” Tara says, eyes wide, confusion flooding every part of her. </p><p>“I know it’s counter-intuitive but the souls of all humanity depend on it. You have to stop them. And you have to open the Hellmouth. All the way.” Tara watches him closely unable to talk. “You won’t remember this conversation. Not until it’s time. But you have to trust me. It’s the only way to set the universe right.”</p><p>The world unfreezes around Tara, melts back into a warzone, the smell of blood and dust filling her nostrils, the sounds of violence and pain all around her. Spike and Faith have joined Buffy protecting Giles and Tara as Giles works his spell. </p><p>“Faith!” Tara calls over the cacophony of sound, “Faith!” Faith turns to look at her, rushing to her side in an instant. “You have to strike the seal with the ax.”</p><p>“What!?” Faith asks, for the first time she looks at Tara like she’s insane. </p><p>“You have to trust me,” Tara begs, “I know why they sent me back. Please. Just trust me.”</p><p>Faith’s face falls, she looks more frightened than Tara’s ever seen her but still somehow she nods. “You better be fucking right about this,” she growls through gritted teeth. “And when this is over I still have to yell at you about breaking your fucking promise!” Faith grabs her and kisses her fiercely before charging past Giles. She raises the ax up and uses her whole body to slam it down wedging into the open seam of the Hellmouth. Magic shoots out in a violent wave throwing Faith back till she’s skidding in a heap and landing at Buffy’s feet, the ax gone from her hands, still wedged into the mouth of Hell. </p><p>Tara surges forward before anyone can stop her. Tapping into the veiled connection with Faith she draws from the slayer bloodline and magic. She grasps onto the ax handle and begins to push, prying the seal apart. Buffy rushes to stop her but the defense spell is still there, stronger than ever now, stopping Buffy in place. She pushes harder, feeling her muscles burn with a foreign strength. The seal bursts open and a sharp wave of magic shoots out, catching onto the amulet still in Tara’s grasp. The amulet amplifies the magic, sending an enormous wave throughout the cavern killing every vampire, demon, and Turok Han. In an instant, all their enemies are gone. </p><p>“Tara you did it!” Buffy shouts, “Stop the light show!”</p><p>But Tara can’t. The power keeps surging out, growing and growing through its conduit. Tara falls to her knees from the sheer force of it. Unable to control the wave of magic it begins to shoot upwards till it’s blasting through the ceiling, cresting in a clear arc. The battle was so long that the sun has set and the moon has risen, big and full and high above them, caught in its bed of stars. The searing magic barrels towards it, striking into it like a nuclear warhead, shattering it to pieces. Pieces that are heading towards Earth. The magic continues, surging, growing and growing till it’s electric white light is filling every inch of the cave, till the mouth of hell itself disintegrates beneath their feet. </p><p>And then…</p><p>Nothing…</p><p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Revelations</h2></a>
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    <p>There’s a whining hum that pierces Faith’s ears as the world explodes in painful, blinding light. The sharp sound fades, <em>thank fuck</em>, as the white light dims, and her vision is returning to her. She gasps for air when the sound stops, the leftover migraine makes her head pulse and she’s not entirely sure she’s even alive, but when her vision focuses against the pain she realizes she’s in a weird office she’s never seen before. Blinking and breathing deep Faith fights the wave of nausea and scans the room. The main Scoobies are all around her; Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander, Dawn. Tara’s missing. So is Anya. Faith’s heart races with the realization. The only person here she doesn’t know is a weird little boy with shaggy black hair in a suit, stationed in a chair that dwarfed him behind an ornate wood desk. Faith is ready to shake the little shit to get some answers, just as soon as she fights back the bile. </p><p>“Congratulations, guys!” the boy starts, an enormous smile splitting his face, “You did fantastic. Really!”</p><p>“Where the fuck is Tara?” Faith asks, lunging towards him only to stumble on her own uncoordinated feet, collapsing to the floor, the bile begging to rise back up. </p><p>“Easy,” the boy says, clearly unimpressed, “the whole teleportation thing is really rough when you’re not used to it.”</p><p>“Where’s T?” Faith asks again, pressing through the nausea. </p><p>“Don’t worry. Miss Maclay is fine. She’s being debriefed as we speak. Then she has an urgent appointment with our staff Doctor.” His eyes don’t leave Faith even as the other’s begin to come to their senses, only starting to clue into the situation, “Miss Maclay has really proven herself as one of the best agents here at the Bureau. You should be very proud, Miss Lehane. Miss Maclay did everything almost perfectly. It’s quite impressive.”</p><p>“Who the fuck are you?” Faith chokes out struggling to pull herself from the floor, only barely managing. </p><p>“I’m the Director here.” He smiles brightly at Faith, “You know we met before.”</p><p>Without a word or movement, a panel in the wall behind him slides open revealing a large TV. It flickers to life with footage of Faith dressed in her prison uniform, standing in the same spot she is now. There’s no audio, she only sees her mouth moving, a sneer painted across her face. Suddenly she leaps across the table to attack the boy when the footage stops. The TV screen fades to black. </p><p>“We offered you a position. It...didn’t go over well.” The boy looked unbothered, merely shrugging at the memory. Faith was dead set on a repeat performance, ready to jump over the desk when she feels a hand on her shoulder, stopping her in place. She looks over to see Buffy, teeth gritted, anger barely contained. </p><p>“Start explaining real fast or I’m gonna let her beat the snot out of you, kid.” Buffy glares at the boy, “Where are we?”</p><p>“When is a little more accurate, Miss Summers.” He grins at her, eyes suddenly wide and excited, “I’m a big fan of yours, you know.” Buffy doesn’t look amused, “You’re at Bureau Headquarters which resides in its entirety within a single day. Friday, October 13th, 1950 to be exact.”</p><p>Buffy’s eyes grow wide at the revelation. “Oh.”</p><p>“You’re welcome to take a seat.” He waves towards a set of sofas that Faith only just realizes are there. <em>Were they there before?</em> She shakes her head, instantly regretting the motion as her head feels liable to split open. No one in the room moves. </p><p>“What do you do here?” Giles steps in, starting to help Willow and Dawn off the floor and into seats.</p><p>“The Bureau manages the timeline. We correct mistakes and ensure things go as planned...more or less.” He smiles, a hint of nervousness entering his posture for the first time. “We’ve brought you here as a courtesy, given all your hard work saving the planet.”</p><p>“What of Earth? It seemed in imminent peril before we…” he trails off looking around the office. </p><p>“Well, as of right now Earth is frozen in time. As intended. The magical force Miss Maclay unleashed was needed to correct an incredible problem that has spanned centuries. You see, Mr. Giles, souls have been mismanaged and wrongly designated. A plot from our more sinister counterparts.” His face looked strained, “They’ve been siphoning off souls into hell dimensions to make their power stronger. Now that the Hellmouth is open we’ll be removing those souls and reassigning them to their appropriate designation soon.”</p><p>A sharp gasp breaks the tension, everyone turns to Dawn, “Mom?” she’s already teary and ready to burst, “Is she in hell?”</p><p>“I’m sorry Miss Summers. We don’t know. But we will soon.” He gives her a tense smile, apologetic and sad. “When we redesignate the souls it will rebalance the dramatic shift in power away from evil. For the time being,” he sighs, “the forces of heaven and hell will be meeting to decide how exactly we will be resolving this matter. And while we do you will be our guests.”</p><p>“Wait,” Xander says approaching the desk, “Where’s Anya?”</p><p>“Mr. Harris,” the boy gives a sad smile, “Miss Jenkins was an aberration who should have died a thousand years ago. She died fighting valiantly, but unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do to change fate. I’m sorry.” The boy stands to leave, turning away from a clearly shaken Xander. “I have to leave, but you will all be seen to your quarters soon.” He circles around the desk towards the door when Faith wrestles free from Buffy’s grasp and gets in his way. He doesn’t look scared, only mildly amused, “Miss Lehane, when you see Miss Maclay please go easy on her. She’s your soulmate after all.” Faith’s eyes go wide and she fumbles as he slips past her, “Oh,” he says stopping at the doorway, “your kids are really cute by the way. Try not to get so angry when the little one sets the living room on fire. It’s very hard to be that young and that powerful.” Then the boy is gone, disappearing behind a rapidly shutting door. </p><p>In the hallway he sighs, feeling bad at the chaos he knows is unfurling in his office. He sincerely hopes Faith isn’t breaking anything of significance. A loud crash from inside accompanies this thought and he bites his lip resisting the urge to storm in. The sound of a voice clearing politely tears him away from the door. </p><p>“You’re not supposed to be here,” he sighs seeing the familiar face.</p><p>“I want to see them,” She smiles sweetly.</p><p>“We talked about this, Deb.” he starts walking away, ignoring the raised voices coming through the wooden office door. She doesn’t follow at first, only watches the door, a look of longing crossing her face. She runs after him, “It’s not possible. Look,” he sighs again, “I know you miss your parents but to them, you don’t even exist yet. It’s absolutely against the rules.” She rolls her eyes as they walk along the corridor side by side, Deb towering over his small frame. </p><p>“Did you at least mention the living room thing?” She bites her lip, afraid of the answer. </p><p>“I said I would.” He picks up his pace.</p><p>“It wasn’t really my fault, you know. My brother-”</p><p>The Director stops in the hall, catching Deb off guard, “We have work to do.”</p><p>“Of course,” she gives an awkward smile, blue eyes shining playfully. Deb digs through her pocket producing a small envelope and handing it to him. “There’s a lot going on.”</p><p>By the time Faith’s escorted to her room by a strange woman in a perfect 1950s pencil skirt and pinned up hair she’s exhausted in every sense of the word. All she wants is to curl up in bed with Tara and sleep for a million years. Then she remembers. Tara’s a liar. Tara broke her promises. Tara used her for some stupid job. Even knowing Tara did it to save the day didn’t soften the sting. The woman left her outside the door of her room, saying if she needed anything it would be provided and was gone before Faith could ask anything. Swallowing down her frustration she opened the door and entered the quiet room. </p><p>It was vastly larger on the inside than she could have imagined. The suite was airy and open, with a living room set up on one side and a small staircase leading up to an open bedroom. Lying on the center of the large bed was Tara, curled up around a pillow, looking small and helpless. Faith bites her lip fighting the pull to go to her, to comfort her, to love her. She’s supposed to be angry damn it!</p><p>“Figures they make me share a room again,” Faith cuts through the silence. </p><p>“This place is whatever you need,” Tara doesn’t move from the bed, only curls deeper into it, “You just have to focus and envision it.”</p><p>Faith shuts her eyes, centers herself like she’s seen Tara do so often in their brief time together. When she opens her eyes a second room has appeared to her right. She goes through the wide-open door shutting it behind her. </p><p>Tara finally sits up when she hears the soft click of the door shut and the lock turning. She sighs heavily fighting against her weak and tired body to get out of bed. She climbs down the stairs slowly crossing the room and stopping at the wooden partition. She shuts her eyes fighting tears. Part of her had hoped Faith would set the anger aside and just hold her. Instead, she has to wait. She eases her aching body against the door, sliding till she’s seated on the floor, back pressed against the wood, as close as Faith will allow her. It feels like ages and Tara can’t resist the sweet call of sleep no matter how badly she wants to wait for Faith. She drifts off still pressed against that door. </p><p>She awakes to a falling sensation, except the door is creaking open and she actually is falling to the floor. She startles awake as her head hits the floor with a soft thud. Faith stands above her, peering down with mild amusement before it’s hidden away behind a scowl. </p><p>“That annoying twerp said you had to see a doctor.” Faith scans Tara’s body for anything out of place before returning to her eyes, “You okay?”</p><p>“They took some kinda weird chip out of my neck. I guess it’s how they got me to Earth. They didn’t explain a lot.” Tara doesn’t move from the floor, only watches Faith scowl from above. </p><p>“Kid also said you was some kinda agent.”</p><p>“That was the condition. I had to do something for them to get back to Earth.”</p><p>“What was it?” Faith asks. She watches Tara dig through her pocket producing a crumpled piece of paper. Faith takes it from her outstretched hand. In simple typescript, it reads ‘Save Faith Lehane at all cost.’ Faith kneels down beside Tara getting closer to her, searching her eyes. “What do you feel? From me.”</p><p>Tara shuts her eyes, focuses through the haze of exhaustion to the link still bonding her to Faith. “You feel used. Hurt.” Tara swallows, eyes filling with tears, “Lied to.”</p><p>“That’s right,” Faith sighs, “The brat told me go easy on you. Since we’re soulmates and all.”</p><p>Tara’s eyes widen suddenly and she shoots up from the floor, forehead clunking soundly against Faith’s. Faith bites back a groan of pain at the sharp contact. She clutches her head, rubbing against the aching spot, sure there would be a knot tomorrow. </p><p>“W-w-what?” Tara splutters.</p><p>“You didn’t know?” Faith asks in confusion still rubbing the sore spot. Tara seems unphased by the injury. </p><p>“N-no,” Tara answers. “He just said to protect you. So that’s what I did. It’s all I wanted. To save you. From that n-nightmare.” She reaches a hand to touch Faith’s face but stops herself. “I love you, Faith. I’m sorry for the secrets. But I can’t feel bad. I’d do anything to keep you safe. Even if you hate me for it.”</p><p>Faith watches her, searching her eyes for sincerity. “I’m tired.” She sighs. Without another word, Faith scoops Tara into her arms, lifts her from the floor, carries her to bed. She slips Tara under the blanket, following close behind, not bothering to take any clothes off. She pulls Tara into her, wrapping her in strong arms and holding her, too exhausted to fight against what she wants. “I love you,” she whispers as Tara falls asleep. </p><p>A sharp knock sounded on the other side of Willow’s room door. They had taken her to a private suite across from Buffy, Dawn, and Xander’s rooms after their bizarre meeting with the Bureau’s Director and that’s where Willow stayed. Her head was pounding with everything that happened, all the revelations that turned her world upside down and inside out. And despite all the cosmic revelations, the time travel, the apocalypse diverted, an exploding moon, and lost souls in the billions, all Willow came back to in the endless circles of her busy mind was this; Faith was Tara’s soulmate. Her thoughts only provided more and more questions with no one around to answer. She hadn’t seen Tara since the battle at the Hellmouth and everything in her ached to be with her. The sharp knocking went unnoticed, fading into the background of her chaotic mind, till a loud thump emanated, drawing her out of herself. The knocking on the door was persistent and obnoxious and only aggravating to Willow till she thought it might be Xander, finally ready to talk about losing Anya. She scurried to the door from the overstuffed sofa she had manifested and pulled it open just enough to reveal that little boy, peering up at her through waves of shaggy dark hair.</p><p>“Miss Rosenberg,” he greeted her, “I’m so glad you answered. I was hoping you could help the Bureau with a <em> specific </em>problem. Your expertise would help immensely.”</p><p>“Um,” Willow said, unsure about this strange child, “What do you need?”</p><p>“Well,” he starts, eyes squinting in scrutiny before it disappears, his eyes turning wide and innocent again, “We have a problem that involves both magic and science. You seemed uniquely suited to the task.”</p><p>“Oh,” Willow answered, opening the door wide, “What kind of problem?”</p><p>“The whole matter of the moon exploding,” he gives a pained smile that falls after a moment. “Would you mind coming with me?” </p><p>“Ok,” Willow nods stepping into the hallway, shutting the door firmly behind her. For a moment she stood still, peering at Xander and Buffy’s door, wanting to stay close if they needed her.</p><p>“We’ll have someone get you if they need you.” The boy smiled warmly. Willow nodded and followed him down the long corridor. They hadn’t been here long, a day or two at most, it was hard to tell. She hadn’t explored very far so she watched, mind in overdrive as she took in the wooden floors, the wallpaper, and paintings and sculptures littering the hall. The whole place looked like a peculiar mishmash of library, museum, and mansion. They boy navigated effortlessly, subtly side-eyeing her while Willow was too preoccupied to notice. “You know Miss Rosenberg I’ve watched you for a long time. You seemed a good candidate for a position here, but then I thought better of it.” Willow looks at him, still not speaking as she follows, “You have this troublesome habit of defying fate.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Willow’s eyebrows raise in bewildered curiosity as she nearly stumbles over her own feet. The boy stops, giving her a moment to collect herself. </p><p>“The aberration with Miss Maclay. She shouldn’t have been in that room that day.” He sighs, “But sometimes love does funny things. Even defy fate. For a moment.” He turns away from Willow and gestures to a wooden door she hadn’t noticed before. “We’re here” he opens the door waving Willow inside as he pulls a small paper envelope from his pocket, the door shutting on its own behind them. He opened the paper flap pulling out a small translucent pill. Inside its casing came a steady glow, it’s inner workings coiled and snaked together with complex wiring. “This is the chip that was implanted into Miss Maclay.” In the center of the room was a table, a small metal tube ascended from its center, stopping at eye level with the boy. “These are just to transmit coordinates and open portals if necessary.” The boy places the pill into the protruding arm and the empty room fills with projected light, every wall covered in the blue glow of complex equations, all lined up neatly before them. The boy waves his hand, turning the numbers around the room till his eyes lit with recognition. Another wave and the equation grew larger, zooming in till it's figures were crisp and clear. “What we need to do is fix the equation so we don’t, you know, blow up the moon.”</p><p>“So you need help with your homework?” Willow turned from the equation to grin at him. His face grew red with embarrassment. “This is amazing.” She turned back to the task at hand, mind whirling at all the new discoveries. “The equations are meant to guide the magic?”</p><p>“And the user.” He approaches the enhanced section, “this should be the segment that covers the energy release from the Hellmouth.”</p><p>“You’re using physics to determine magic?” Willow watches him as he intently focuses.</p><p>“More or less,” he mumbles not looking back at her, still transfixed on the numbers.</p><p>“Well, the thing about magic is that it’s not science.” Willow turns her gaze to the ethereal numbers, “no matter how much I want it to be.”</p><p>“Kind of the problem isn’t it.” he scratches the back of his head. Standing side by side they investigate the figures till Willow tenses, suddenly unable to focus on math. The familiar warmth of Tara’s magic buzzes dully in her chest. She smiles and turns just as a knock emanated from the door. The boy scarcely notices as it cracks open and in the doorway isn’t Tara, but a woman she’s never seen with Tara’s blue eyes. Willow’s brow furrows in confusion, more so when the woman’s eyes widen with an unusual familiarity. She smiles briefly revealing a set of dimples before the smile disappears just as fast.</p><p>“Sir,” she says, turning away from Willow. The boy turns sharply, broken out of his trance. “Sorry to interrupt. You’re needed at the meeting. Urgently.” A strange look passes her features, “Things are really devolving.”</p><p>“Ok,” he says, turning away, eyes serious and unreadable, “Will you need an escort back, Miss Rosenberg? We can finish later.”</p><p>“I can manage,” Willow says, she walks to the door past the brunette woman, “I think you just misplaced a few decimal points.” </p><p>The boy turns back to his figures, eyes lit up with excitement, “You’re right. Thank you, Miss Rosenberg!” </p><p>“No problem.” Willow nods and leaves the pair alone. She remembers the path back but she’s not ready to lock herself away again. She wanders the corridors and open spaces mind still abuzz with magic and physics and Tara and fate. She comes across a wide-open room with vaulted ceilings and enormous windows that let sunlight pour in, warming the whole space in its glow. Ornate doors opened to a lush garden filled to bursting with blooming flowers of every sort. It drew all of  Willow’s attention, pulling her from the web of tangled thoughts, clearing her head enough to feel that same familiar magic like Tara was near. She shook her head, dismissing the sensation. The fresh fall air was crisp and invigorating and set her at ease as she pondered at the blooming flowers, still bursting to life despite the season. A bird swoops low above Willow’s head drawing her away from the chrysanthemums to a nearby bench and the familiar beauty sitting there.</p><p>“Tara!”</p><p>Tara smiled seeing her, “Hey, Will.”</p><p>Willow smiled back, feeling the warmth surge in her chest, “How are you? I haven’t seen you since all the big mojo. You glowed blue.”</p><p>“I think it had something to do with that weird microchip they put in me.” Tara’s smile faltered.</p><p>“I think you’re right,” Willow says, already missing that lopsided grin.</p><p>“I’m okay though. It’s just been a lot. And all very confusing.” she laughs and it’s somewhere between happy and sad. </p><p>“What brings you out here?” Willow can’t help but stare.</p><p>“I w-wanted to give Faith some space. To p-process.” Tara answers, looking away, turning her attention to a nearby butterfly floating from flower to flower. </p><p>“Oh,” Willow says, feeling cold all of a sudden. “That kid, the director, he said you and Faith were soulmates.”</p><p>“So I’ve heard.” Tara still isn’t meeting Willow’s gaze but her smile has returned, brighter than ever. Willow’s heart sinks a little more.</p><p>“I think I get it now,” Willow says, pulling Tara’s eyes back to her.</p><p>“What?” </p><p>“The kid said you weren’t supposed to be with me when you died.” Tara looks distant again but Willow presses forward, “And I think...we weren’t supposed to get back together. Not then.” She stops herself, pausing to sort her words “ I think I was meant to get my magic under control and I think you were supposed to live so you could meet Faith.”</p><p>“Will,” Tara says, her hand beginning to reach for her, but stopping short, “I’m sorry. About everything that’s happened.” </p><p>“Don’t be sorry Tare. You saved the world after all.” She laughs and Tara grins. “I’ll always love you, you know. I can’t imagine a world where that changes.” She sighs, “but maybe this was all meant to be. In a really bizarre time travely, inter-dimensional kinda way.” </p><p>“You’ve really changed a lot, Willow.” Tara smiles, taking Willow’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll always care about you.” She leans in kissing Willow’s cheek, “You changed my whole life.” Willow can only smile and nod. “I’m feeling really tired all of a sudden. But I’ll see you later.” Tara stands to leave feeling Willow’s eyes on her the whole time she walks away. </p><p>It takes a few tries but eventually, Tara finds her way back to her room, the one she shares with Faith. She hesitates at the door unsure what’s waiting for her on the other side. Closing her eyes she taps into that bond between her and Faith. A small gasp escaping her lips at the sharp sense of longing coming through the door. She opens her eyes, turning the doorknob she slips inside, catching Faith lounging on the living room sofa, game controller in hand, TV buzzing with the sound of crashing cars. Faith sits up, pausing the game automatically. </p><p>“T!” she says, smile so wide both her dimples appear making Tara lightheaded. She grins back. Faith scrambles off the sofa and scoops Tara into her arms, “I missed you,” she says, kissing her quickly with a sigh.</p><p>“That’s good,” Tara teases, pressing closer into her. “You’re feeling better.”</p><p>“Yeah. This place is weird but wicked cool.” She laughs.</p><p>“But-” Tara starts.</p><p>“No,” Faith cuts her off, “it’s okay. I get it. I love you.” Faith looks away, unable to meet Tara’s eyes. “I'd have done the same. Protect you however I had to. Just don’t-” Faith sighs, “Don’t lie to me.” </p><p>“I won’t,” Tara says, “I promise.” Faith nods. Tara can’t help but pull her in for another kiss. Deeper and searing with heat and love. When she pulls away Faith is panting breathlessly, a glazed look in her eyes. She swallows and shakes her head. </p><p>“Something came for you,” Faith says, arms still around her. She kisses Tara’s neck and lets her go before walking to the dining room table that wasn’t there before. She picks up an envelope, plain and nondescript, and walks it back, placing it in Tara’s hand. </p><p>Tara tilts her head in curiosity and opens the envelope along its seam. Inside is a familiar card, yellowed with neat evenly spaced type. Her brow furrows and she removes it fully, eyes scanning its text. </p><p> </p><p>‘Because of all you’ve done you’ve been granted one dalliance in the timeline. I hope that you forgive me for stealing it from you, even while knowing that in time you will. I do this because I know painfully well the years you spend haunted by death and dying and your time in limbo. The advice I give you now is the advice I remember receiving from myself, at your age, in this moment, so I cannot be certain where it actually originated from:</p><p>Do not lose time on daily trivialities. Do not dwell on petty detail. For all those things melt away and drift apart within the obscure traffic of time. Live well and live broadly. You are alive and living now. And now is the envy of all of the dead.’</p><p> </p><p>Tara hadn’t realized the tears falling from her face till they landed on the paper, smearing the ink. She sniffed, feeling Faith pulling her close, alarmed at the sudden change. Tara kisses her, paper crumpling in her grasp. She feels like she can’t breathe and the room feels hot. She blinks against a blinding light suddenly expanding, engulfing the room, enveloping her and Faith completely. </p><p>When her senses return to her, she’s still in Faith’s arms, still clutching the scrap of paper. The world around them returns but the room is different. Suddenly they’re in an ornate hotel lobby, surrounded by potentials and all their friends who look equally confused. Faith sighs, pulling Tara back into a kiss. </p><p>“I’m really sick of all this teleporting shit.” She scowls. Tara only laughs and kisses the pout away. </p><p>“I knew it!” A potential shouts from across the room. Tara groans and pulls away to see who said that when she sees Angel, eyes wide with alarmed confusion at the suddenly packed lobby. </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Keeping Faith</h2></a>
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    <p>It’s raining outside. A torrential downpour. Normally Tara would be inclined to be angry at the intrusion on her long-awaited vacation, but somehow she can’t complain. No, the rain and the ocean waves just outside their beachside villa only makes it better. She’s close to losing all her senses and she’s so entangled with Faith, feeling her everywhere, but especially between her legs, fingers working their magic against her most sensitive places. Faith’s eyes are mischievous and happy and loving. So loving it makes Tara ache, even after a year together. She bites Faith’s lips and slips her fingers between her legs, pressing deep into Faith’s center, feeling Faith stretch around her fingers. She can’t help but thrust hard into Faith, matching Faith’s delicious tempo. Faith moans into her mouth, grinding her hips harder into Tara’s hand. Tara thinks she might pass out from the pleasure of Faith’s fervent touches, instead, she explodes, flooding Faith’s hand in her cum. Faith watches in awe, exploding with a whimpered moan, squeezing Tara’s fingers tight inside, not letting her pull away. They come down from their high still wrapped together, laying on sweat-soaked sheets, chests heaving, the rain still pouring. </p><p>“I love you,” Tara says, kissing Faith playfully, a sleepy grin spread across her face as she slips her sticky fingers out of her. </p><p>“I love you so much, babe” Faith smiles, it’s the happiest Tara’s ever seen her. Faith starts running her hands along Tara’s back, making lazy circles, enjoying the bare skin. </p><p>“Think it’ll ever stop raining?” Tara asks, peering out the open villa doors to the rain pelting the shore. </p><p>“Maybe tomorrow,” Faith says, “but I don’t mind keeping you naked and in bed.”</p><p>“Well, I’d like to see some of the island.” Tara laughs pulling Faith into another teasing kiss, reaching around and gripping her ass. Faith moans. </p><p>“See you say that,” Faith smirks at her, “but I get the idea you like my plan too.” </p><p>“I don’t know what you mean.” Tara giggles again. “Are you hungry?”</p><p>“Always,” Faith answers biting Tara’s shoulder, kissing the spot tenderly, exploring the skin with her lips. </p><p>“Seriously Faith,” Tara laughs tangling her fingers in her dark hair, holding Faith still, “let's get cleaned up and get some food.”</p><p>“There’s delivery,” Faith argues, still kissing and biting. </p><p>‘“You can drive,” Tara answers, “ I want to see the beach”</p><p>“S’raining,” Faith grumbles.</p><p>“Even better,” Tara says, “You look sexy in the rain.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m always sexy,” Faith pouts.</p><p>“That’s very true, my love.” Tara pulls her in for a kiss, slipping her tongue into Faith’s mouth. When she pulls away she untangles their arms and legs, stepping out of bed before Faith can stop her. “I can’t believe it took us so long to take this vacation.”</p><p>“I know,” Faith groans, collapsing back into the bed. “There was so much to do though. All those fuckin’ mini slayers everywhere. Setting up a new headquarters. Teaching all those brats. How did I get stuck with so much responsibility?” She says the word ‘responsibility’ with a shiver of disgust making Tara laugh. </p><p>“You’re good at it,” Tara says, heading to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. </p><p>“No way,” Faith calls through the door. Tara rolls her eyes. When she returns to the room Faith is sitting on the bed, legs folded under her. Tara approaches and feels Faith’s arms wrap around her neck. She’s so beautiful even all sweaty and mussed from hours of lovemaking, She feels something clutched in Faith’s hand, but can’t see. “I’m proud of you. A lot of people wouldn’t bother going back to college after coming back from the dead, but not you. You showed ‘em all how smart you are.” Faith kisses a grinning Tara playfully, “I got something for you. Unrelated to graduating.” she kisses along Tara’s jaw to her neck, kissing a hickey she had left hours ago, purple and raw against Tara’s pale skin. </p><p>“Are we doing anniversary presents tonight?” Tara raises an eyebrow, “It’s not till next week.”</p><p>Faith smirks, pulling away from her neck to kiss her full lips. “Nah,” Faith says. She brings her hand between them revealing a small ring box clutched between her fingers. </p><p>“Faith?” Tara says, heart suddenly racing in her chest. </p><p>“Open it.” Faith’s grin is only bigger. With trembling fingers Tara takes it, pulling the top open, revealing a silver band, a sparkling blue diamond at its center. “The way I figure, I already belong to you, might as well make it official. If you wanna keep me.”</p><p>“Yes,” Tara gasps, pulling Faith into a melting kiss, “Yes. Always.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><div>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.</p>
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